struggling

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Stripes, Jan 21, 2012.

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  1. Stripes

    Stripes Member

    Hi, I am really struggling recently with a lot of suicidal thoughts. Last night I had an awful dream that I *was* dead, but I was like a ghost and could still see the world going on, but couldn't connect with it or impact anything. I woke up terrified and sad. A - this goes to show I don't *really* want to die and B - that's probably how I feel which leads me to want to die in the first place - unable to connect with the world, have any impact on anything.

    I'm at a point where in a weird oxymoronic way I'm doing better than I ever have - I've made some really hard, brave choices this past year in order to be healthier, I've pretty much finished writing my first novel - a goal that has been elusive til now and when I am feeling crappy i'm getting better at being far less harsh on myself about it and just trying to accept it and let it pass and be sympathetic to myself. And yet, I also feel possibly the worse i've ever felt....well, not the worse, just one of them. I think about suicide as an option near constantly and I'm still struggling on so many levels and feeling incredibly alone and let down by family/friends/society....

    To anyone else struggling, you have my thoughts and positive vibes. I'm sure this is something we can get through. Please don't hesitate to message me for a chat. Despite my down times and dark thoughts, i'm a pretty positive person, if you can get your head round that contradiction!!
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Stripes,

    I can truly empathize with your suicidal feelings....you have my thoughts and positive vibes too. I hope some of these feelings ease soon....in my book, the choices you made to build a better life are something to be proud of. :hug: All the best to you, and congratulations on being near completion of your first novel! How exciting! :thumbup:

    Alex
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    It's ok, you aren't alone because I know how it feels to feel like you're a ghost. You may be experiencing something along the lines of derealization, where it feels like the world isn't real or that you don't exist. It's scary but you can find comfort knowing that there are others out there who feel like you do. That is awesome you almost completed your novel! I wish I had enough motivation, but I've been working on the same one for about 2 years now. I'm sure I'll finish someday soon. I'm glad that you are starting to feel better and hope that continues.
     
  4. Stripes

    Stripes Member

    thank you so much for the replies - that means a lot and makes me feel a bit less alone.

    Witty - keep going with your novel, sometimes it's not the right time to finish or you need more time to get there. I have another novel to work on that i've been writing on and off for 15 years!! I'm thinking now it wasn't the right time to write it before due to the ideas and where i was in my life. Wishing you luck with it anyway!!
     
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm glad you feel a bit less alone now :biggrin: Thanks for the encouragement, I think that's what I need right now because I can't seem to motivate myself. I know that you will finish the novel soon and it will be great :courage:
     
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