Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Medusa., Jun 30, 2012.

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  1. Medusa.

    Medusa. Well-Known Member

    I'm struggling a lot, I'm not sure if I'll be okay tomorrow, because I did manage a granola bar today, which yes I am proud of myself for having, but I don't want to allow myself anything more.
    I haven't eaten anything in two days, I know that's not a long time, but I never allow myself to fast, except that granola bar, which I wouldn't have had if I didn't think I needed it, turns out I didn't need it, just ended up making myself really sick.
    I'm so hungry but don't want to eat, I just want to disappear.

    I'm so triggered, I think my Nonna is gonna die sometime this this year or next year, and I'm not gonna be able to say goodbye to her, shes in Australia and I'm in America, if I knew I could say goodbye I think I'd have an easier time eating, but I have school so I can't go to Australia.
    A smaller trigger but still a trigger is my sister is coming sometime in July and I'm not sure if its in the middle or at the end, I'm hoping at the end it'll give me more time to lose weight, I need to lose nine more pounds, before she gets here.

    I just want to be better but nothing gets better, I've tried therapy but it doesn't help. All my last therapist said to me was "You're the perfect person for an eating disorder, you have OCD so you know how to obsess." Real fucking helpful.
  2. Socrates13

    Socrates13 Member

    Very sorry to hear all of that, but it's certainly not your fault. School is obviously important (I'm sure your Nonna agrees), and not being able to get over there is no sin of yours; that would be remarkably expensive. Personally I wouldn't be able to make it happen, that's a huge effort and expenditure that only the particularly wealthy can pull together at the last minute.

    As far as food goes, I would encourage you to make sure you at least don't get dehydrated. I know it seems hard, but food will seem much more appealing if your mouth isn't really dry. You could try eating something small or bland, just whenever you get a tiny little urge, even if it's just as little as a bite, every little helps. Sorry I couldn't be of more help, I hope everything starts looking up for you soon.
  3. Medusa.

    Medusa. Well-Known Member

    I know, I just wish I could see her one last time.
    I have been trying to eat more but for a few days, I go through cycles now, eat for a few days, then fast for a few days, but I guess that's better than not eating at all. I've been trying to drink I hate drinking, but yea, working on that.
    Thanks, and you are helpful.
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