I'm struggling a lot, I'm not sure if I'll be okay tomorrow, because I did manage a granola bar today, which yes I am proud of myself for having, but I don't want to allow myself anything more. I haven't eaten anything in two days, I know that's not a long time, but I never allow myself to fast, except that granola bar, which I wouldn't have had if I didn't think I needed it, turns out I didn't need it, just ended up making myself really sick. I'm so hungry but don't want to eat, I just want to disappear. I'm so triggered, I think my Nonna is gonna die sometime this this year or next year, and I'm not gonna be able to say goodbye to her, shes in Australia and I'm in America, if I knew I could say goodbye I think I'd have an easier time eating, but I have school so I can't go to Australia. A smaller trigger but still a trigger is my sister is coming sometime in July and I'm not sure if its in the middle or at the end, I'm hoping at the end it'll give me more time to lose weight, I need to lose nine more pounds, before she gets here. I just want to be better but nothing gets better, I've tried therapy but it doesn't help. All my last therapist said to me was "You're the perfect person for an eating disorder, you have OCD so you know how to obsess." Real fucking helpful.