Stuck at a crossroads without help

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by BelovedChaos, May 17, 2015.

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  1. BelovedChaos

    BelovedChaos Member

    I am torn between wanting desperately to numb myself with booze and my drugs of choice, and wanting to feel. I want to feel what everyone says the pain is worth fighting through for. That happiness and good that is past the hardship and bullshit.

    "The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant." ~The Doctor, Doctor Who, Vincent and The Doctor

    Everyone says this in their own words. and I love this quote. It usually pushes me through my depression, and i wait. I wait for that pile of good things to pop its head into existence. Just once. because in the last month, I went to San Fransisco for two weeks just as a vacation,a celebration for my 18th birtrhday. When i came back,i was told that I either need to get rid of my dog or get out of my dads house basically, I cant find a job, by best best friend is very busy trying to keep her ass out of trouble, which might send her out of state, my other best friend is moving, i dont know where, but eventually it'll be alaska. My uncle is showing signs of early onset alzheimers and no one, NO ONE in his family has ever lived past 60. he is 56. he raised me. he is all i have. I AM TERRIFIED. My dad already filled out his will just in case, yet he wont stop drinking. I have nobody of any permanance in my life and i am so scared of being alone. I AM SO SICK OF BEING SAD! I M SICK OF FEELING ALONE! I am sick and terrified of how my life is going to get fucked up. because it always happens. Always. I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired....
  2. hide

    hide Member

    My friend , life is very difficult , but I think that is worth living , you know ? I spent many years around people, of friends, but still all those years I felt alone, empty and and sad , had no one to rely on except myself, I just wanted a hug, a "quiet everything will be alright " or just someone to listen to me , quize die many times, but there is a saying " what does not kill you makes you stronger " the time wanted me to continue my life , but everything looked dark, but were consumed in pain and sad , just kept walking until I gradually came out, I learned everything alone, but you know ? if I could leave, no ?, you believe in yourself, have faith in you.

    You'll see me in the future when you say " hey hide!, you had damn right , I'm fine , I'm happy and calm myself, thank you very much for everything."

    Life is too short to live sad , believe me , but if you have a big stone on your back, like I'll help you load on my shoulders , I can not carry all the stone myself, because you also need to learn from the problems, later it came out that way , and I know you will !.
  3. BelovedChaos

    BelovedChaos Member

    Thanks hide. :) I was great to wake up and see your uplifting message. Hey hide, you are damn right. Life is too short to live sad.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Just wanna say you are not alone in your struggles, we are here to go through this with you. Never feel alone, it's a negative thought and untrue. Big hugs to you :hugs:
  5. imars27

    imars27 Member

    :hugs: and prayer for u !
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