It all started around four years ago when I was introduced to an over the counter addictive painkiller which contains codeine. I initially took if for wisdom tooth pain however progressed to taking it to calm myself down and used it as a stress coping mechanism. Fast forward 4 years and I am in an almighty rut I have become a virtual recluse I am extremely paranoid and my self esteem is at rock bottom. My days consist of taking large amounts of pills just to feel "normal" as now they have little effect as I have taken them for so long. I have cut off every one of my friends and just about get myself to work. My work found out about my addiction a couple of years ago because they found packets of painkillers in my draw and they believe I am clean however I am anything but. I am trying my utmost to appear normal in work however I am making mistakes left right and centre. The reason I didn't get sacked was because I was introduced to them by someone in work who turned out to be a ex prostitute heroin addict. This sounds extremely seedy however my work place is respectable and would consider my self to be the same before all of this. My weekends are spent laying about doing nothing because I simply do not have the motivation or desire to do anything. I have tried cold turkey and tapering however none of these worked in the long run. I lost interest in my appearance and have gained over two stone which I believe is due to the painkillers. I am now on a yet another codeine tapering programme which I abusing yet again. I have been to NA however I found that they through my addiction was trivial compared to some of the strong opiate users and they believed I should be able to come off the pills easily which I did not expect group workers in NA to say. I feel as if my addiction is undermined by my family as they believe because I am not on a massive dose that it should be a simple task to reduce and come off them all together but it really inst as four years down the line I am worst than ever and they are my emotional crutch. I have tried everything to assist in coming off them yoga, the gym, a counsellor, acupuncture, saunas, drug groups, cold turkey, tapering, I am even considering hypnotherapy. I honestly feel like ending it all as this rut I have been stuck in for the past four years is taking every bit of the person I used to be. I do not even remember who that is any more. I have considered rehab by here in the UK you have to be a chronic drug addict to get rehab on the NHS and good private rehab cost thousands. I have posted this today as I feel truly powerless to my addiction and suicide at this present time seems like the only option.