Stuck In A Rut

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Lila Green, Apr 24, 2016.

  1. Lila Green

    Lila Green New Member

    It all started around four years ago when I was introduced to an over the counter addictive painkiller which contains codeine. I initially took if for wisdom tooth pain however progressed to taking it to calm myself down and used it as a stress coping mechanism. Fast forward 4 years and I am in an almighty rut I have become a virtual recluse I am extremely paranoid and my self esteem is at rock bottom. My days consist of taking large amounts of pills just to feel "normal" as now they have little effect as I have taken them for so long. I have cut off every one of my friends and just about get myself to work. My work found out about my addiction a couple of years ago because they found packets of painkillers in my draw and they believe I am clean however I am anything but. I am trying my utmost to appear normal in work however I am making mistakes left right and centre. The reason I didn't get sacked was because I was introduced to them by someone in work who turned out to be a ex prostitute heroin addict. This sounds extremely seedy however my work place is respectable and would consider my self to be the same before all of this. My weekends are spent laying about doing nothing because I simply do not have the motivation or desire to do anything. I have tried cold turkey and tapering however none of these worked in the long run. I lost interest in my appearance and have gained over two stone which I believe is due to the painkillers. I am now on a yet another codeine tapering programme which I abusing yet again. I have been to NA however I found that they through my addiction was trivial compared to some of the strong opiate users and they believed I should be able to come off the pills easily which I did not expect group workers in NA to say. I feel as if my addiction is undermined by my family as they believe because I am not on a massive dose that it should be a simple task to reduce and come off them all together but it really inst as four years down the line I am worst than ever and they are my emotional crutch. I have tried everything to assist in coming off them yoga, the gym, a counsellor, acupuncture, saunas, drug groups, cold turkey, tapering, I am even considering hypnotherapy. I honestly feel like ending it all as this rut I have been stuck in for the past four years is taking every bit of the person I used to be. I do not even remember who that is any more. I have considered rehab by here in the UK you have to be a chronic drug addict to get rehab on the NHS and good private rehab cost thousands. I have posted this today as I feel truly powerless to my addiction and suicide at this present time seems like the only option.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hi, and welcome to the forum.

    I am very sorry to hear about your problems. Your addiction is real, and should be treated that way too.
    Please don't give up. I know you feel stuck, and I completely understand that, but suicide is not the answer.

    Maybe take a good talk with your doctor about your pill use? It can really damage your body, as well as your mind. Are you having abdominal pains, headaches? I think you need a thorough checkup to see if you have made any damage.

    As a teenager I was addicted to painkillers, like you, it was my stress relief... but the one thing that made me quit was knowing I could have damaged my liver and internal organs. (the joke is now I'm dependent on them for severe chronic pains...) but please do get yourself help.

    Have you considered excesrise as an aid to get away from this?

    No matter what, please do not give up on yourself or hurt yourself. You need and you deserve help
  3. Lila Green

    Lila Green New Member

    Thank you for your quick reply really appreciated. I have been in hospital because of my painkiller abuse a couple of times. Its due to the ibuprofen that is in some of my painkillers. I was extremely ill in A and E recess because I was bleeding internally only before Christmas I was shocked into going cold turkey however it did not last I think the only way I will get better is to maybe leave where I am living and start afresh but funds are low I do not have a lot of money as I am buying painkillers from on-line UK pharmacies they charge £100.00 for a pack of 60 which doesn't last long I am now at my absolute worst taking more than ever and am spending about £300.00 per month including the doctors prescription for tapering. On top of that I am drinking loads only last night I was so drunk I crashed my car into my mothers no really damage done but thats not the point. I am 23 and have been on these since I was 19 it is sole destroying to say the least. I am on here today as I have no one to talk to everyone is sick of my addiction finds is prolonged and boring :(
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I had an issue with codeine (as some members here know). I started taking it for legitimate pain but when the pain was gone I found myself addicted to them physically not mentally. I was spending a lot of money on them too that I couldn't afford (I'm on disability). On Feb 13th this year I decided to go cold turkey after tapering off slowly failed and I did it, I went through 7 days of hell, the slighest pain was excrutiating but it worked. It doesn't work for everyone but your addiction IS real and will damage you if you don't get it treated. Just because you aren't on heroin does not mean you don't need help. Please find a doctor who is willing to help you and explain the situation, suicide is not the solution, it's not a solution for anything. Please talk to me if you ever need to and get help. See someone who will take you seriously. An addiction is an addiction no matter how low key it is. Good luck.

  5. hello i am going through codiene withdrawls right now and its no doing it cold turkey because as time goes on it just gets lonelier and more depressing and at the moment i live in a tent and just gambled and lost the money i borrowed to pay the bond for a house .i have no one to talk to everyday because everyone i know cant stand me because im either on uppers or downers or blind drunk and smashed on weed.ive been living like this for years ,im 33 and have achieved nothing in my life unless you call making people despise you an accomplishment.dont end up like me its so hard to get anywhere when youve chose yo destroy your life.i have been diagnosed with schizophrenia ,bipolar ,adhd ,anxiety disorder, personality and schizoaffective disorder. i have been acused of all sorts of bullshit in my life and pretty much everyone i knew hasnt got time for me anymore. im detoxing as we speak and understand the diffculty .i suggest you do the same before you end up living on the street like i did .im struggling to get a house because im an addict and mentally unstable ,ive left many addresses after only a few weeks because i have panic attacks and paranoid manic episodes, i wouldnt wish this upon anyone but i know somehow things will get better for me and they will for you too.just stop cold turkey and stick it out thats what im doing.