stuck in pain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lotte, Aug 11, 2013.

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  1. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    don't know how much longer i can make it. don't want to talk about my problems anymore. spent years and years doing that. think i'm just done. but so afraid of death. don't want to try anymore. :( I don't want to feel guilty for leaving a mess behind. I don't want to be tormented in the after life too. that would suck. so i'm stuck in this confusion. this sad state of not being able to move forward or back. what to do..... :(
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi Lotte. I can understand, from my own perspective things you sat, I have spent way too many years.....
    I am afraid of death
    Guilt.... leaving mess behind
    And I do not want to go to lower/fear vibrations in what you referred to as "the afterlife". Yes, it would "suck". I would rather wait until it is my time to leave. Rather than to risk that through sui

    For now, my only resolution is still to try to hang on. Maybe if I can go when it is my time, things will be easier for me and my survivors. I am not sure I will hang on until it is time. But I do feel pretty sure that if I can hang on, it will be better in the long run.
    Maybe hanging on is a day by day kind of thing. Or even hour by hour. just to get through. But, from my own perspective, I do hear ya.
  3. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    I totally empathize with not wanting to talk about your problems anymore. At some point, it becomes exhausting. I had a friend drop from therapy because talking about his problems just made him feel worse, not better.

    The point of talking about feelings in the first place is to say them out loud, which helps sort them out in your head. After they're sorted out and you still feel the same, that's when talking becomes less helpful.

    Still, if I've learned anything through my time with near-hopelessness and close-despondence and my own suicidal episodes and wishes to die, it's that as time passes, things inevitably change, and I'm forced to adapt. I've been successful at that so far, in that I'm still alive, even if my life circumstances aren't ideal.

    I just find pleasure in the small, day-to-day things that I like. That's really the best I think anyone can hope for. It's the first step toward distracting yourself from that nagging bug in the back of your mind that you just want it to be over. The small pleasures are really something I don't think I should take for granted, even if they're all I have.

    It's important to have daily things that help you out, because happiness is an emotion, and all emotions are transient and temporary. They come and go, then they come and go again, for all of life. In a way, it's comforting to know that everyone's on the same playing field, playing by the same rules.

    Ambivalence is everything. While it's confusing and painful, thinking about the after-effects of death as a negative thing is actually a small step in the right direction. There are many who believe others are not only better off without them, but also others who believe the only way their pain can be recognized is through dying.

    I feel for you, truly. Even if you don't want to talk now, you can PM me anytime, even if it's just to tell me your story. I promise I'll listen attentively, if it makes you feel better. I find that when others are really listening to me, and not just talking at me, it helps a lot.
  4. EFL

    EFL Member

    I understand about tired of talking about problems. Seems like there is no answers, and more problems crop up every day. Personally, I'm not afraid of death, I actually look forward to it. It seems like a reward for having to put up with this crap called life.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry you are so low and feeling so much pain inside Hope you continue to reach out for support ok here and in real life
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