Stuck in purgatory.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by deborahdac, Jun 5, 2016.

  1. deborahdac

    deborahdac New Member

    I'm new to all of this but I don't think it can hurt.
    I'm 30, female and newly married.
    My husband and I are constantly fighting.
    He hates that I binge drink 2 x a week and I hate that he is so self obsessed (re body building).
    I'm willing to make changes and have treatment starting this week. However he isn't.
    We fight daily about the smallest of things to the largest.
    During a dinner party we hosted he called me 'disgusting' because I was bloated.
    It ruined my entire outlook and I spirralled out of control and drank excessively.
    He refuses to see that his bullying effects me instantaneously.
    We are going to try work on it and focus on ourselves for the next few months.
    I'm genuinely concerned.
    I can not face a divorce, losing my dogs, the humiliation, the starting over.
    Moreso, I don't want to lose him.
    I'm thoroughly depressed and have been suicide since I was 13. Puberty was cruel to me.
    I have a lot of friends and family but I geniuinely don't want to talk about it to them.
    I'd consider killing myself before losing my life I built.
     
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Deborah, have you considered working with a marriage counsellor?
     
  3. deborahdac

    deborahdac New Member

    Something I have considered but haven't yet spoken to my husband about as I dare say it will cut into his gym sessions.
     
  4. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hopefully you could set up appointments that do not cut into his gym sessions.
     
  5. deborahdac

    deborahdac New Member

    I asked him to go on Relationship's Australia site and was struck with silence. No response.
    I am scared I am going to try aimlessly for a man that doesn't want, deserve or appreciate it. I'm exhausted.
    I have 2 major job interviews this week so I can potentially earn more to contribute more but I am so depressed I know the employer will see through it.
     
  6. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I have faith in you Deborah. You can ace these interviews. Just think of all the good things that could happen with a new job. Use thoughts like that to keep positive during the interview.

    I know you don't want to lose him. Although I must confess that I don't understand why. He sounds like an absolute selfish jerk. Does he seem to be the same man you married, or has he changed. That sometimes happens after the wedding. If the situation remains so intolerable, I hope you will reconsider staying with him. I also hope you start treatment for the drinking. It would be good for you to stop. Were the dogs yours before the marriage? If so, you should be able to keep them.
     
  7. islandification

    islandification Well-Known Member

    Not my business of course, but you don't seem like the most well matched couple so I'm surprised to read "newly married". Usually problems like this surface later on.