Stuck [Trigger Warning]

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by dying_inside, Nov 19, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    I cant stop thinking about cutting, watching pics, wanting it so bad... But no small stuff. Big stuff. And its stuck in my head. More and more.

    As soon as i felt i was out of the crisis (which to me means feeling like i'm going crazy, out of control and possibly kill myself out of a stronger impulse or just ask for help in the worst way), i felt like i could go back to the lesser evil... Self harm. Kind of... to reward myself for getting the control back without incidents.

    After 10+ years i should be sick of it, have had enough, gotten bored with it, tired of it... Instead no, NO! Yes, I got used to it so i can resist longer, have more control, do it less deep, less often, less long cuts... But its like i keep holding myself back until one day i'll decide i can reward myself and do a big mess like i keep seeing it in my mind every single day....

    I want to do it and i dont want to do it... Its almost 3am here and i spent the night looking at pics... I know its better than acting, but i feel like i'm just feeding my hunger and i'll soon give in and it will be GOOD but i'm afraid of losing control and make a huge mess. Thats what is keeping me from doing it now. That, and fantasizing, looking pics and writing about it...

    I also dream about breaking a nome, i've tried a few times but gavé up. I'd like to do that too... I imagine its satisfaction to last longer... I dont know....

    And I dont know whats the point of this post... What i'd want to hear from you... I just had to write it down and "give" it to someone else who can understand... I guess... Sorry...
    Thanks for reading... If you could get to the end of it...
     
  2. LastCall7

    LastCall7 Banned Member

    Why not focus on something outside of you? Take a baseball bat and beat the ever loving fuck out of a tree? Just destroy it. Instead of harming yourself, find a fence, and go ballistic?

    I never cut other than drawing designs in my arm, so I could be missing something but, why not grab a stick, and beat the fuck out of a fire hydrant? Just go at it. That seems like a release to me, and it will leave you scar free. (Unless you go punching shit like I did and break your hand)
     
  3. LastCall7

    LastCall7 Banned Member

    A lot of closet rods double as a staff. Pull it out of there and go wang chung on everything.. I guarantee you'll walk away released. Kill a tree, get it all out. You'll sleep better.
     
  4. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    because it is not about anger... its just a form of emotional release i dont get with anything else...
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.