I've found that my depression is the worst on days when I don't keep busy. But now that I'm out of school, I'm struggling to find ways to occupy my time. I've been applying for jobs for a few months now, with no luck. I've been researching different volunteer opportunities in my community relating to animals (I'm a huge animal lover) but each one I find requires that I be an older age/ have more experience. Even when I do find a volunteer opportunity that I'm eligible for, my parents won't let me go because they A) refuse to drive me and B) do not want me to drive myself. I've tried to explain to them that this is something very important to me but they refuse to listen. I hang out with friends occasionally but I only have two so when they're both busy, it leaves me feeling stuck. I want so badly to not only pursue, but achieve happiness in my life. I want to busy myself so that every day I am working towards a better life and a better mental state. But despite my efforts, I still have so many days where I have nothing to do but sit and stare at the wall. It's on those days that I feel most depressed. Those are the days where I come to the conclusion that I'm going nowhere in life. Maybe I need to be more patient and have faith that opportunities will eventually come my way, but that's much easier said than done. I'm so young, I feel I shouldn't be struggling so much just to get through each day. Why Is it so difficult for me to find things that make me happy? I yearn for happiness. My relationship with happiness is like a broke addict's relationship with drugs; we want so badly the things we can't have. I just don't want to be so miserable while I'm young. I fear that when I'm thirty I'll look back and realize that I don't have a single happy memory from my teenage years. I want to go on adventures, form everlasting relationships, help make a difference in my community, watch sunsets, meet new people, explore unknown places, laugh until I cry, stay up all night, get drunk, work with animals, fall in love. As cliché as it sounds, I want to live life to the fullest while I'm young. Yet here I sit, alone, on my computer, typing out a long rant that nobody will want to read, hoping that tomorrow is better but thinking that it probably won't be.