Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Greying, Sep 19, 2016.

  1. Greying

    Greying Well-Known Member

    I lay awake at night torturing myself with thoughts and sometimes they beat me and I end up going out doing things just to feel something that I shouldn't and then even up feeling even worse. I write endless words, draw endless sketches and close my eyes reliving my past over and over and over and over. People reach out to me only for me to reject them or barely say a word because I sincerely believe no one should ever have contact with someone like me - someone who only brings bad.

    I often fantasize about returning to my old ways of drinking and doing drugs but I made a vow that I would never.. And even if that vow is meaningless to the other now its still there brainwashed into me.

    I can deal most of the time with how my life is..and what I mean by that is I cope with it because I know one day I'm going to take my life, I also know that It terrifies me.. but not quite as much as it scares me to continue breathing. But for now I am stuck, too scared to live yet too scared to die. And sometimes it's just too hard of a place to be in and those times are when I can't deal.

    I can't deal.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi @Greying I am sorry you are feeling so hopeless. I am glad you chose to never drink or taken drugs again, that takes strength and courage. I hope your day has improved, keep talking to us here and I hope writing it out here helps. Remember your thoughts aren't facts and you can recover from this distressing time in your life.
  3. Greying

    Greying Well-Known Member

    I really appreciate you taking the time to read and reply to me, petal. Thank you.
    Petal likes this.
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, please try to stay strong which I know most of us might find hard. I know you are finding it but you we care about YOU.

    I hope you writing here helps you on a daily basis to deal with your feelings about life.
    Keep posting as I think you can add value to the forum. On a personal note, not sarcasm, but the posts you write are interesting to read.

    Please take care and most important be safe.
    Greying likes this.
  5. moxman

    moxman The "Perfect Life" YouTube channel is neat

    I don't believe this at all. You are a good person, that has had some terrible things happen to her. You have been hurt very badly, let us help you.

    I care for you , you know that

    Take Care of Yourself G
    Greying likes this.
  6. Greying

    Greying Well-Known Member

    Thank you for reading me. I appreciate your words also.
    Unknown_111 likes this.
  7. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Your welcome. We are here for each other and that's what is life all about.
    Greying likes this.