I feel overwhelmed and so sad and negative. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I cry every day. I feel restless but at the same time like I have no energy at all. Lately I just sit here paralyzed and stuck in my own thoughts. I might read or play video games but I can't stay focused for long. I've been watching TV but it always has to be something simple because I can't follow a storyline right now. It's like I look at or read something and immediately forget what it was. I don't even feel real and like I'm moving through a dream. I want to self harm and "wake up". I just started online therapy and quit marijuana and alcohol. Would like to continue marijuana as it helps me with anxiety and insomnia but I'm searching for a job.