Stuck

[lightning05]

I feel overwhelmed and so sad and negative. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I cry every day. I feel restless but at the same time like I have no energy at all. Lately I just sit here paralyzed and stuck in my own thoughts. I might read or play video games but I can't stay focused for long. I've been watching TV but it always has to be something simple because I can't follow a storyline right now. It's like I look at or read something and immediately forget what it was. I don't even feel real and like I'm moving through a dream. I want to self harm and "wake up". I just started online therapy and quit marijuana and alcohol. Would like to continue marijuana as it helps me with anxiety and insomnia but I'm searching for a job.

 

[sinking_ship]

 

[KindaOtiose]

I'm sorry @lightning05. A lot of what you wrote is relatable to me. Great job on looking for a job - that takes a lot of strength and is admirable. I hope you can feel better soon. Sending hugs .

 

[nobodyknows71]

I find getting out of the house works for me when I feel this way. It’s hard work to get out of the front door but I do feel better for getting out
Good luck with the job hunting

 

[Kiwi2016]

Sending you positive thoughts for your job search and also for your online therapy...know neither is easy but taking those first steps is the hardest...sending you hugs.

 

[MisterBGone]

Sounds to me like you’re doing a very great 👍 & perfectly 👌 fine job, in doing all you can, in the face of such adversity!!! : ) keep fighting, I know that good things are going to happen for you. Hopefully soon— (the first step, of course, Is putting yourself in a position to win / succeed). . . Which you have done. Which not a lot of others in your shoes can always say. Which prolongs the agony. I’m cautiously optimistic, here for you; I (think I ) can feel it. . . Just do whAt you can, and at the end of the day, that’s all you can ask for. Focus on the battle, not the war. Did you win the day? If not, can you win (or do better?) to-morrow...! I think you can make it—I really do. I have supreme confidence in you! Keep us informed. Please—

 

[LonelyHiker]

I'm sorry you're feeling stuck...I've been there and can relate. That's great that you've given up the substances, I hope you'll stick with it.

I second @nobodyknows71 suggestion..getting out and getting moving always helps lift my mood.

Best of luck to you on your job search!

 

[lightning05]

Thanks everyone for the support, it really means a lot to me. When this awful heatwave is over I'll go back out for my usual runs/walks. I have been trying to see friends when I can. It's kind of tough because they all live about an hour or more away but since I'm not working I have time to go visit.

The therapy has been weird not talking face to face but we messaged a few times and have a phone session on Tuesday. I also signed up for some group sessions about self confidence and self esteem as right now I hardly have any.

Also yesterday my partner was let go from his job which was very unexpected, so that has also thrown a wrench into things. We have been saving up for a house so we do have savings but it does add a bit of stress to know we have to dip into them for a bit. Luckily he can get unemployment in the meantime. I'm struggling with feeling guilty about quitting my job literally a week before he got let go, but like I said that came completely out of left field. I'm just hoping we can land on our feet soon and get out of this city that we are both tired of and have no reason to stay in any longer.