Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by June, Jun 4, 2010.

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  1. June

    June Well-Known Member

    Now it's been 2 and a half days that I stayed in, locked in my little room with no window, not realizing when it's bright and sunny outside or night falls with a cloudless sky...
    I don't know why I got like this again, it started 2 days earlier, when I watched a movie. Suddenly I had this feeling again of endless sadness. I keep starring up at the ceiling wondering why the hell I'm here or go through it all even though I know how bad it sucks.
    I know, I should be outside getting some fresh air, feel the sun on my skin and enjoy the company of people around me. But I don't want to see anyone, I want to be by myself... I stopped my medication a month or so ago, without my doctor's advice. The people who know about it, said I should and that it's not good for me being stuck on medication. So I followed their advice and I felt good after being 2 weeks on withdrawal symptoms. But now I seem like falling back... As I moved to a different country, it's too hard to find a counsellor or someone, as there's a lack of people specializing in depression here, it's not very common...
    And just to please people, I'm stuck in a web of lies! I keep lying about what I do, about my job, about friends. There's no one I can talk to. People offer their help but if I honestly tell them what's going on, they might think I'm stupid or mad.

    Sorry for writing that much. But I need to let it out somewhere and I don't know what else I can do. This forum has helped me so much, knowing there are people out there who notice what I'm saying, who notice that I'm there...
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Hi june, your welcome here, and you can vent all you want. I dont think coming off your meds without help was the right thing to do, you never know what effect it could have on you.
    What country are you in if you dont mind my asking, maybe we can help you find some sort of service for therapy.
    Try and go out, even if its just to the shop to buy milk or bread, you dont have to talk to anyone, but it will do you good to get out, rather than be left alone with your thoughts.
  3. June

    June Well-Known Member

    I am living in Barcelona right now and believe me, I looked for institutions to help me... Either they are Spanish or are really expensive. And I do try and go outside, today for example, I thought I will go to the park and relax a bit, but I turned around half way. I just can't be around people. And I know I won't be leaving my room today again... I moved here because of people I know and I wanted a change, I thought that will be good for me. But apparently it's not. I'm looking already for new places to go to (I change the country quite often as I always feel sad after a while) but the only thing I really want, is stay and finally have a place I can call home. Something I miss since I am 12 years old...
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