I don't know what to do. I have so much to live for, and want to live for but I can't get through things at the moment. I still have a depression, and I think like many depressives will keep it with me always in some form and some level. I've managed to live away from home in a shared house for over a year and my relationship with my family is a million times better than it was. Thing is that twice recently the downers have happened. And I don't have the suicide escape clause. I realise through therapy and talking and thinking and all the stuff I've done over the past 3 years to bring myself back to normality, that suicide is not a way to go. But I still think about it - and I know I can't do it - so I have no release, the feelings just sit there for days and then fade. Help, I fear it's only a matter of time before I give up again. Chris.