Today was the day I finally got to go and see a doctor about my worsening feelings and to get my prescription. I didn't go and see my usual doctor because she wasn't in today so I booked in to see another one instead. I was expecting to feel nervous and apprehensive but I was actually ok because I knew this was something that needed to be done to make me feel better. No panic attacks, my heart was racing slightly but I was hot from walking. So the doctor calls me in. I told him that I had been to see the other doctor since January for my depression, and that I had come back today because I had been getting worse. He looked through my notes and told me that last time I came I had been feeling better. Which at the time was true because I had been able to finally get through to my fiance about my feelings and I was starting to have a couple of good days. I told him this but I said to him that for at 6 weeks I had been getting worse and that I was having no good days at all. Then he asked me how long had I run out of my citalopram so I told him about 2 weeks, but I hadn't been able to get an appointment because it was either booked up or I was working. He asked me what I did so I said I was a student nurse and I worked as a carer also. He said that was fine. He then just sat and read my notes and we sat in silence. It was so awkward. He printed me my prescription off. He didn't even bother to ask me if they were working for me or anything. He then said so why are you feeling worse when last time you came you were feeling better? I said I don't know why I just don't seem to be having any good days, when before I would have a couple. I am irritated all the time. I can't stand to be around noise because it drives me insane. I also told him I felt suicidal. I didn't tell him about my latests OD's though. He didn't take much notice. Maybe I should have mentioned them but I don't want to go to the looney bin. He then made me do the depression screen to see if I had got worse so I told him the answers. By this point I was feeling extremely agitated. I could not look him in the eye and I could not sit still. I began feeling hopeless and that it was a giant waste of my time even bothering to go. To add insult to injury, he then told me that in my busy schedule I should fit in a positive thought so I could stop myself from feeling suicidal. Oh how I was seething. AS IF I DIDN'T FUCKING TRY THAT ALREADY YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!! I just picked up my prescription and left. I didn't want to punch him in the face. But I was seething. I could have gone and smashed something up. I had to stop myself from crying from sheer frustration. I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. I feel so helpless and so stuck. I am trying to get myself better but with this moron I feel even worse. I contemplated walking up to the bridge and jumping off. I feel so lousy. I just don't know what else to do.