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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by glasir, Jun 15, 2012.

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  1. glasir

    glasir New Member

    I've just finished my internship. After finishing med school one year ago i thought nothing could be more difficult than the long hours of study and stressing over tens of written and oral exams and the non existent social life. That turned out to be quite wrong. The past year had been a nightmare. And with everybody applying for specialties and with nowhere to run except forward when you've just wasted the best 8 years of your life on this i applied for residency. I chose laboratory medicine bc i was sick of patient complaints i was tired of the anxiety and stress of it all especially that im a very sensitive introverted person who becomes really overwhelmed having to deal with people and sticky situation which made the stress double for me, and of the night shifts and duties when anything can happen and you have to immediately know how to act.. At some point when i would get home i would find myself in the bathroom vomiting. I put no other choices down even though this was a very difficult residency post to get.. most doctors want it because it has an easier lifestyle.. and the posts are extremely limited since every university offers one or a maximum of 2 posts. I got the post, and i wish i didn't. Turned out that there was a new law that it should be 4 years and since the program is 3 the first year of residency has to be in internal medicine. I don't know what to do now. I can't do it and i have no other options. I need to work for the money, i need to help my fiancee get a house so we can get married, and i can't go back to uni and start over doing something else, and in addition to that nobody understands why i cant do it. not my family not my fiancee not anyone. But i just can't and im so completely depressed and devastated i feel like i have no options that im at this point where i cant move forward and cant go back and cant stay put. i feel so bad that i dont even have the energy to do anything but sleep. I cant eat and i can't even smile anymore and at this point suicide is starting to look like a really good option
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun your option is to go get help your depression is winning right now Talk to someone ok aprofessional get on some meds if need be but do something that will help you move forward hugs
  3. crunchie

    crunchie Well-Known Member

    Being a doctor myself, I can see where you are coming from. Unfortunately we need to be on edge all the time, always prepared to step in, and people are expecting you to do the right thing at all times. I do not know what part of this you cannot cope with, I just know that at some point we need to start taking responsibility for our own health. I have not yet managed to find the strength to ask for help, but I hope you will be able to. Being a doctor is immensely hard, and it takes everything you have, and sometimes, everything just does not cover what we have to do... Do you have someone you can talk to, maybe someone from med school that are suffering through something similar?

    I do not know how much help I might be, seeing as I am not quite healthy mentally myself, but feel free to PM me, if there is something you feel the need to talk about with someone in a similar position..
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