*trig warning?* I am so lame that I am posting here instead of introducing myself. I am too tired to introduce myself. I just want to type something to someone other than myself. No need to reply really, since I don't even know you and have never done anything for you. It's funny, I can't call the hotline in my town or go to the low-income clinic because I work with the people who work there! Ha! If I talked to them it would make my problems even worse. So I am all on my own. I just found out I will get my pay cut in half in January. It has already been cut in half once. I am in grad school and can't get another job because all the entry-level jobs have unpredictable hours and I am at the university 8-5 every day. I work so hard and it never matters. Everyone I know is dead or gone or dying. I support others with the income I make. Now I will loose everything I have left. And there is no one who can help me because if I ask for help I will definitely loose everything (job, school, respect). ITs so funny that i work in this field and now I have cut off from myself the services I myself provide. I don't even deserve to be in this field. I am thinking I should just walk into traffic. There is only one reason I am still here and she is dying. I wish she would hurry up so I would have nothing more to feel guilty about. (I don't mean that at all!!!) Oh well, sorry if you read this pointless post. I know it was a waste of your time. Just needed to write something and I feel so stupid writing to myself. Hard work, intelligence, beauty, passion, don't matter. There is no cause and effect. Life is random and cruel. I feel so sick. It's sort of funny.