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Stuff no one wants to read

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SilverShadowM, Nov 7, 2008.

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  1. SilverShadowM

    SilverShadowM Member

    *trig warning?*

    I am so lame that I am posting here instead of introducing myself. I am too tired to introduce myself. I just want to type something to someone other than myself. No need to reply really, since I don't even know you and have never done anything for you.

    It's funny, I can't call the hotline in my town or go to the low-income clinic because I work with the people who work there! Ha! If I talked to them it would make my problems even worse. So I am all on my own.

    I just found out I will get my pay cut in half in January. It has already been cut in half once. I am in grad school and can't get another job because all the entry-level jobs have unpredictable hours and I am at the university 8-5 every day. I work so hard and it never matters.

    Everyone I know is dead or gone or dying. I support others with the income I make. Now I will loose everything I have left. And there is no one who can help me because if I ask for help I will definitely loose everything (job, school, respect). ITs so funny that i work in this field and now I have cut off from myself the services I myself provide. I don't even deserve to be in this field. I am thinking I should just walk into traffic.

    There is only one reason I am still here and she is dying. I wish she would hurry up so I would have nothing more to feel guilty about. (I don't mean that at all!!!)

    Oh well, sorry if you read this pointless post. I know it was a waste of your time. Just needed to write something and I feel so stupid writing to myself.

    Hard work, intelligence, beauty, passion, don't matter. There is no cause and effect. Life is random and cruel. I feel so sick. It's sort of funny.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 7, 2008
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    hello silvershadowm,

    welcome to the forum :welcome:

    your post wasn't stupid, and certainly wasn't a waste of time, you matter just as much as everyone else.

    if money is the main reason causing you to feel this way, maybe you could take a year out from college and work? do you have any friends you could talk to? talking about problems helps more than people realize..also, im here if you need to talk :)


    lynn :hug:
  3. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. A place where people will read what you write and will care. Thats what the place is about. We all help each other when we can and if we need to ask for help ourselves then we know we are in a safe place to do so. I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are and the irony of not being able to go to your own place of work for help is not lost on me. It's wierd how things like that happen when you are really down. I have found the forum to be a great source of help and support and I hope you will too. If you want to chat you can pm me anytime. Take care.S.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello SilvershadowM,
    :shake::welcome:To the forum!! I don't have much to add to what everyone has already said. Keep searching for other employment. Maybe go to the student union and see if they have a list of ppl who are looking for help.Try the cafeteria. My dad was a dorm director and my mom and myself worked at the cafeteria.
    You said you are helping others financialy, are they family or friends? If they are friends you need to tell them you can't help anymore. You need to worry about financialy helping yourself. Good Luck!!~Joseph~
  5. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    You did a credible job of introducing yourself.

    Perhaps there is another mental health agency you could go to for help. The university should have people available to help both with counselling and with your finances. As Joseph said, you need to focus on your own well being and conserve your resources - i.e. tell your friends you don't have any money to give them any more help. In January, things will get tougher if you don't make changes now. Life can have meaning, though it's hard to see it when you're in the middle of upheaval. Keep finding and using resources that will help you reach your academic goals. Don't give up now.
  6. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    :welcome: Silvershadowm to the forum. Its good to have you here. Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing. Your post wasnt stupid at all since life can be very stressful. I imagine it must be a lot harder to work in the health system, pretending you are fine, while you are miserable yourself. But as I have learnt talking can releave quite a bit of stress. So please stay with us, come on whenever you feel to vent and we all will do the best to support you.
    Beret XX
  7. SilverShadowM

    SilverShadowM Member

    You all seem like very caring, intelligent people. thank you. Maybe I will talk more when I am able.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It's o.k. we will be here so when ever you are ready, just drop in and post with us so we know you are doing good!!!~Joseph~
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