I can't cope with my family , and our history's and everything. Sometimes i feel like whenever i start to get better they hold me back whenever i try to make an effort they tell me im fucking it up. My whole family were depressed when i was born , so i put on a happy face and tried to make them feel better, i did well in school i tried my best. even though my mum would shout at me all the time for stupid nothings, and tell me im gonna be worthless i still never stopped loving her, and even though my brothers would complain all the time about their lives, i wouldnt think of them any differently. So after all this me keeping happy and not getting fucked of by their stupid parenting and Stupid brothers, and neglectful father who hadnt said a word to me directly till i was about 9, and even then it was usually saying i was fat or stupid, or whatever. but that's not the point. Even after their depressed and stuff and as a child i tried to put up with it, at 15 i finally become depressed and now im the worst being in the world. They say I've gotta get better, and they hate me, they throw even more insults at me. So I broke down and told them everything, how shit i felt about all this stuff, and they say im being too complainy, and compare it to their lives. I see other families, the way they raise their children, the way your meant to be in attitude social, and im nothing like that, I kept it in when i was young because i thought it was the right thing to do, i didnt want to have a mental breakdown at the age of 7. It feels like because i made a bad judgement at a young age I've got to deal with it for the rest of my life. Its unfair. Its just plain and simple unfair. Even if i'd broke down when i was little who knows what the fuck would of happened. And now im a boring depressed teenager, honestly. Im the most boring person in the world and it suffocates me, because my sense of humour has gone. My mum feels that im using my depression as an excuse, and my personality disorders because i don't want to work or am too lazy. It fucks me of so much. My mum openly admits having a bad relationship with my dad, and if we don't insult my dad she gets really offended. she told me she dosent love him hardly anymore. The rest of my family insult him all the time, but he was beaten up every single day of his life by his family and at school, So I can see why he's so messed up. But.. still its inhumane to treat your own flesh and blood like that if you decided to make them flesh and blood. but what im trying to say basically is, I helped my mum and brothers through depression (who are all older then me), so why wont they help me? Usually I find all they can do is patronize me. its so degrading, why cant they help me rather then say all this fucking stupid stuff.