And I felt his breath, the soft murmur of a voice, warm and close calling me back to consciousness. I feel beautiful. He's beautiful. I'm dreaming. He's expressed that he doesn't want anything romantic to do with me. I've been instructed to not call for at least a week. My calls are not welcome. I haven't wanted for someone like this in longer than I can remember and now I'm not supposed to even be able to hear his voice. He tells me I'm attractive and hot but we have no chemistry- apparently. Silly kisses on nose and across necks. Breakfast in bed. Always quick to light up each other's smoke. Massages. Inside jokes and nicknames. Sharing a bed night after night, sleeping only when we were finally exhausted. Thoughtful things. Things I don't dismiss as casual interaction. Those moments where you catch each other's eyes and suddenly you're 4 years old again, playing in the sandbox with someone you just met, having the fucking time of your goddamn star-crossed life. I'm so tired of never being good enough. I just want to be enough for someone. I'm taking it out on him, like I did to my ex. I just want to know I'm worth something, that the things I do mean something. I feel so, so, so worthless. Discarded. I wish I was better, prettier, less broken- whatever he needs me to be. I just want to be enough for someone.