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Stupid? or ?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by requiem13, Feb 18, 2010.

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  1. requiem13

    requiem13 Member

    Searched the net and found this forum,thought of it as useless for me,but now people-i ask for your advice and help.
    I`m 20 y. old,student.
    My problem is-i`m unable to study(i think so).I try to study but i really can`t remember anything i`ve read,but i think it`s just not the point.
    Another thing maybe-it`s laziness?
    Come home from university at about 4 or 6 p.m. and it`s pc,watching some episodes,tv etc.
    Last year it was the 1st year at university,it was free for me,but guess what-i failed,had been expeled....
    This year i have re-entered university,but it`s $ now.I`m not working atm.,so parents are paying for my studies.
    I have already a debt in my studies from the 1st semester,and for now it`s like hell for me...
    i don`t want to put my parents down,and show them that i`m worthless,some kind of parasite-sucking $ out of them,for something that i can`t do properly...
    All the time i think of myself in the future-and i see nothing.hardly i`ll be able to support my parents,find a girl etc.be SUCCESSFUL in my life.
    is it possible to have this feeling of the future?like you KNOW that you`re @#$%&* up and it`s not worth living anymore?
    I`m wandering if i should end this for me...and not being a source of shame for my family.if you people know what i mean...
    sorry for my english=/
  2. moko

    moko Active Member

    You know,
    University is not for everybody in the sense where it's not everyone that is at ease with theory-based learning. It's not everyone that has a learning style 'appropriate' for university-based learning.
    Have you considered doing more hands-on learning, like going to a community college or a trade school?
    You can be very successful with these alternative learning methods.
    Have you seen a guidance counsellor to discuss other ways for you to be successful, like having a mentor or a tutor?
    Only you know the answer but I think that it would be a good idea that you explore the academic world a little more. You are 20 years old. You are in a good position to take the time to find what suits you. Good luck
  3. dzd

    dzd Well-Known Member

    I agree with moko.
    If you think it's laziness, then put in more effort and you might see results.
    I am also a uni student having problems and can't focus at all.
    Please take counselling and don't end your life. :(
    Hugs to you. :)
  4. requiem13

    requiem13 Member

    thanx guys for the answer.
    tomorrow is saturday and i already organised my day for tomorrow..
    only thing is left-to do what i have planned,and this is really hard for me.
    words-one thing,accomplishment of something-another.
    sometimes i think that THIS is all about the fact that i don`t have a girl.
    What should i do with my social problems?
    i`m really very limited person in talking to others.
    can`t even find a girl for myself.
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    try not to stress too much by trying to deal with everything all at once
  6. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    First, I hope you find a way out of this that can end with you being happy and successful, rather than just ending everything.

    Second, my advice would be to consider whether you should be at school right now.

    It sounds like you had a scholarship of some kind before, so I would guess that you are not stupid. I assume that you are actually smart enough to do just fine at school.

    But it also sounds like you aren't able to succeed there at the moment. In fact, for almost two years now.

    If you're so upset with your performance that you have come to this site, then I think you probably do want to succeed pretty badly but have something holding you back. That's why I would advise at least considering taking an extended break from school.

    School is expensive, and it's not worth piling up the debt if you aren't learning anything and aren't earning credits towards a degree. You're probably better off finding whatever job you can to get by for now if you are convinced school won't work out.

    Then, when you get your head figured out, you can go back to school if you want and you will probably be much more successful there.

    Of course, this is just something to consider, not necessarily the absolute truth or right answer.

    Oh, and about finding a girl, good luck. That's not an uncommon problem, and the only advice I'll give is keep trying and pushing yourself, even if it is a little uncomfortable. That may be easier when you are feeling better about yourself too.
  7. requiem13

    requiem13 Member

    Wastingecho,well maybe that is the problem.
    i think and try to do many things simultaniously,and i try to do them properly(or maybe i think that i do them properly)
    but it`s the way i am.=/
    one day i felljust ok,it`s like euphoria in my head all`s white and fluffy :smug:
    but the other day i might be depressed like hell=/
    one time i remember when my girl left me-it was the end of the world.,i was drinking at my friends place,i got drunk,we went on the balcony to smoke.
    there i found some sharp thing and cut my wrist.i wasn`t showing off,or smthing,a barely remember it.=/
    my friend was shocked.
    the next day i have been told that i cut it and was sitting talking something about my ex-girl,about not wanting to live,that i was just smiling and crying.
    it was a shame.=/real shame.
    but nevertheless-sometimes when i get drunk(it happens when i`m sober,but the feeling is not so strong)it`s just happens so that i get this feeling again,and want to do it.
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I hear your pain.....
    do you see a doctor or councilor?..can you talk to family for support?...
    a lot of us depressed people are perfectionists and put way too much demand on ourselves....
    did you know some alcohol is also a depressant to some people?....
    my son used alcohol to self medicate and it made him worse...
    keep posting here ..this is a very caring place to come for advice and comfort...
  9. requiem13

    requiem13 Member

    i`m not a perfectionist and i don`t know what it is to be one.
    i don`t exactly want to discuss this problem with my family...i don`t want to upset them with myself of having such problems=/
    all i know-that i`m not going through time,times goes through me,and i can`t really help it myself.
    i don`t have any hobbies,i`m not satisfied with myself,i`m not respecting myself..
    really lost,not knowing what is my real purpose.
  10. requiem13

    requiem13 Member

    how can one live with the fact that nothing awaits him in the future?
    what is the purpose?
    about 2 years ago my ex-girl told me that i`m a weak person,and there willl be no success for me in the future life...
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2010
  11. requiem13

    requiem13 Member

    I regret i was ever born...
  12. requiem13

    requiem13 Member

    i hate this condition,but for last 2 years it is frequent.
    and it starts in the evening and may last all night long,till the morning,this cycle just keeps going on,i`ve tried to visit some places just to forget about this all and have some nice time,but all i did-it was sitting on the couch in the night club.
    but who am i talking to,even here i`m just talking to myself...
    it hurts;(
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