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stupid situation

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Well-Known Member
Haha you know the funniest thing was I was at school the time the thought came to me, in my math class, the teacher rambling on about some geometry shit, and me thinking that after this period I have to go back home. So I call my mom and tell her that I was going to study at the library with my friend until nine and then go the the towne center afterwards...

But then right afterschool I walked to the town center and went to walmart, bought the chocolate swoops and jerky, and some pills. I always saw that swoop stuff on commercials and I always wanted to try them so I thought that I might as well splurge if this is going to be my last meal.

Then I lest a message on my friend's cell thanking her for being a good friend but apologizing for acting messed uop sometimes, for not being able to tell her everything. I went to the theaters and bought a ticket for Memoirs of a Geisha and took the pills in a bathroom waiting for it to start. Halfway intot he movie I left because it made me more depressed.

My heartbeat was going like three beats per second and I felt tingly all over and it was hard to breathe, the everything seemed more bright for some reason even though it was dark. I think I was sweating but I felt cold. I walked back into walmart and sat down on the chairs near the bathroom area, hugging my backpack, then went to the trashcan in the corner and tried to throw up, but nothing came out except for foamy spit. I sat there for about an hour, gagging and hugging my backpack. My right leg was shaking and jerking by itself and I tried to stop it but I couldn't. Then the janitor came to me telling me he called the ambulance and they should be arriving any moment. My leg was still shaking and I couldn't move. I was shocked because a couple minutes later these people wheeled in a stretcher to walmart and people were gaping at them and at me. I looked at this lady who was staring at me, and I found myself wishing that I could be her right now, anybody but me right now.

They found my bag, found the pills and counted them, took my blood level, and put an IV on me, strapped me onto the stretcher and wheeled me into the ambulance, took me to the er, called my dad over.

The nurse glared at me dissaprovingly and said, "It's either this drink or the hose down your throat."

So I just drank the black charcoal, threw it back up, then they just kept on giving me cup after cup. I stayed there overnight and next day they took me to some mental facility, and I kept on telling them, "I'm normal, I'm normal, I just had a headache so I took those pills." But they didn't believe me so I was stuck there for three days. While I was there, I met other people in the similiar situations as I was. One girl was there for cutting herself, a guy was there for drinking too much, other people for being violent or trying to suffocate themselves and other things. Then after that I went back to school, had to catch up on all my latework and a couple of tests, explain to the office and show them the hospital form. My mom couldn't even look at me and everyone else was giving me the silent treatment. I had to go see a pyschiatrist and they talked about putting me on zoloft.

One thing I learned from this experience: Never, ever do it on a school day, and don't do it while there are other people around.


The biggest loser ever to live.
I've merely only been thinking about suicide for quite a while.

But it really must be horrible to fail a suicide attempt, what I mean to say is that its good that you are still alive, but now everyone views you as some sort of freak, your parents and friends will look and treat you very differently from now on, and its probably going to make you only want to commit suicide even more. :sad:

It must really suck huh?

I hope you can hang in there and keep posting here about whats going on. Take care Mikoto.


Antiquitie's Friend
Try not to worry about your mom. It is HER feelings, you have enough to deal with. Parents don't know what to say or do at times like this. you would think they would, lol. Or give her time.
After my first attempt in 1989, while I was in the local psych unit my dad came into my room and asked "why did I do this to him" HUH?? excuse me, to HIM. oh boy!!
I never could bring it up and ask him what he said that for or meant. He died last year.

I had the charcoal s*** many times. Worst anidote (sp) in the world. You really can learn and relate to others in the hospital setting. depends on where you are at.

Try not to give suggestions on 'how to' on the forum; leave that out. It is good to share experiences, good and bad. We just need to focus on how to cope. Ya know!
Please take care!


if you start to feel like killing yourself even more tell them because zoloft can mess you up
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