Stupid, Stupid Me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Lady Byron, Jun 27, 2008.

  1. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    My happy positive mood just went out the window. So, I've been up since 7:30 this morning even though I only got a couple hours of sleep and I've been cleaning and doing odd jobs around the house. For some stupid reason I though, "Hey, maybe mom will be in a good mood then." Well, when she walked in the door, the only thing she could think to say was, "Why are you in the house?" I was kind of speechless so I thought, maybe she'll at least say thanks. No, that was too much to ask for from someone who bitches about us being lazy and never doing anything even though I help with everything like the dishes and picking up everyone's shit. So then the next thing that comes out of her mouth is, "Where are the crackers?" and when she found out that they were all gone, she says, "You guys didn't even leave me any crackers. You know you guys are blah blah blah" and going on about how we are so thoughtful and kind kids :dry: and I just wanted to go fucking cut my head off. I almost went into my room and cut but then I thought why should I do that? It's not going to make things better. I'll still be pissed. So I swam it off, thinking I would feel better. But I just feel really empty now. I've been trying to help her so much and she sees it as nothing. God I try so hard just to make her happy even when that means that I lose out and I just want to be appreciated once in a while. I wish I was like a normal teenager and I just want to say to everyone that I'm sorry I'm not. I'm sorry I don't gab like all of you and that I'm not smart enough for you all. I've been thinking of suicide all afternoon and I just want to die in the most painful way possible. It will make everything feel so real even if it's the last thing I do ever feel. Sorry this is so long I just feel so. . . pititful, guilty, and way too emotional. My heart is even beating in my throat and I've got this heavy feeling climbing up my esophagus right now and I feel like I'm going to throw up but my stomach is completely empty.
     
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I can relate to what your going through as i've been through something like that also. In my opinion there are a few things you can do. Either talk to her about why she critcizes you or just don't talk to her much, just answer her when she asks a question.
    You eventually learn that just because someone is family by name (they have the same family name as you) doesn't mean their family by heart.
     
  3. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i feel for ya. i've been there myself even though it's been many years. i remember one time i thought i would go wash my moms car. i did and as it turned out her locks froze. oh she got all over me for doing that when it was just meant to be a helpful thing. it sucks when they act like that. i'm not sure about you but that always made me feel conflicted. i would want to do something nice for my mom, and i knew she'd never acknowledge things in a positive way. then sometimes i wouldn't want to do something nice because of the way she acted. honestly though what i think it comes down to is do it if it makes you feel good about what you've accomplished, and just ignore your mom and maybe just accept she's just going to be a jerk about things. anyways, i hope you get to feelin' better and please feel free to pm if you'd like. my door is always open. please take care
     
  4. Rachael41

    Rachael41 Well-Known Member

    i completly understand how u feel :) its the same situation with my dad. He doesnt appreciate anything even when i make an effort..

    Ur not alone in how ur feeliin :)

    I think that it was good that u swam it off. it shows strength that u could walk away from continuin 2 cut urself :)

    You could maybe try talkin to ur mum? and tel her hw u feel?
    or u could talk to someone u trust?
     
  5. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    I did end up talking to my mom last night. Told her how I felt and she rolled her eyes at me and told me to stop being so dramatic. I spent a lot of time thinking about it last night though. I don't think I'll do anything for her like that again. What pissed me off the most though is that the rest of my family jumped on me and started saying shit too. My dad was the only one that said, "It was nice, but you already knew how it would turn out." so I at least have him on my side.
     
  6. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    At least your father understands. It's best you don't go out of your way for your mother again.
     
  7. shoeshineboy

    shoeshineboy Member

    I know how you feel, my mom is critical(even though she doesnt deserve to be) and makes me feel like such shit, even today. It's bad advice, and I dont reccomend doing it(I've done it before, and it went on for 3 weeks) but I'm just not talking to my parents anymore.
    It was great you didnt cut though, and swam instead. Shows some serious strengh I wish I had that strengh sometimes.
     
  8. mdancey

    mdancey Member