Stupid

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Maw, Feb 27, 2007.

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  1. Maw

    Maw Member

    Hi again folks. I didn't go to my first class today. Just too depressed and afraid to go. It's really stupid because it would have started 20 minutes ago and I did arrive on school(even though I was about five minutes late, I wound up on this school computer) and It wouldn't have been much trouble getting in. But I just dislike that class, I'm afraid that the teacher will sneer or the other students will look at me with disdain. To top it all off it's music class(I'm a hip hop artist myself) so it piles a lot of pressure on me.
    Not that I wouldn't deserve it, I mean I do. Feeling good is not meant for me, and I avoided all the stress and anxiety from that class by not going and now I feel super guilty and just plain awkward. I missed a class yesterday too...

    I'm not looking to somehow validate my not going, but I don't know... I have to deal with my absences with the teachers and it scares me even more. I'm get so afraid and depressed over many little things... It's almost too easy to just let go.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Avoidance used to be my main way of coping with the things that scared me...but then I realized that whatever I shoved under the rug, I was going to trip over some day...go to the next class and speak to the teacher...since you are a musician, there might be something there to learn...sometimes, I have to subscribe to the 'just do it' philosophy to get me through...good luck and let us know how it goes...big hugs
     
  3. Maw

    Maw Member

    It's just not possible for me. I got that late from class-situation dealt with, but I'm always extremely worried, paranoid and afraid of and about everything. Everything is just too much.
    I'm seeing a therapist, but it's not really helping. I don't have the strenght to do anything, not even making this post even remotely readable. I'm sorry
     
  4. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    Maw,

    try to give yourself a bit of a break....therapy can take time....we're here for you....its hard to get the energy to do anything when your in a bad depression, its time to let the therapist know how bad your doing...and see what they can do to help....thinking of you....take care
     
  5. Maw

    Maw Member

    Thank you for your words, even though I do not deserve them.

    I just feel really evil since I do have some energy to do things I like, or at least used to like(nothing feels as good as it may have felt before now) but when I'm supposed to do something even the tiniest bit demanding, It's impossible. Sometimes it's impossible to do anything...
     
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