I know how you feel, I have been there. I was hospitalized twice and both times I just wanted to die. I have found reasons to live. 1) I have a good friend now, he would be devastated. 2) I have 2 daughters, it would really affect their life negatively. 3) I found small pleasures in life like a double of whiskey, a couple beers, my lantern collection. 4) My siblings would miss me.
The world is indeed filled with hate and pain. I try to do my part to bring peace and love to those people. I would love to hear more of your story.