Subconscious Thoughts....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by IsThisMyDestiny?, Jun 6, 2015.

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  1. IsThisMyDestiny?

    IsThisMyDestiny? New Member

    In the final week of March I got higher than I ever could and blacked out. I used sleeping tablets to hallucinate. But it should've coated me my soul. Now, this drug I chose drains your body of water. After that, I decided to drink some whiskey. And ended up having the paramedics arrive at my house. As I had smashed my face on plug sockets. My room looked like a murder scene. Nobody asked how it happened. Hell, I even hinted at the sleeping drugs mixed with alcohol....Here is my question, does my subconscious want to die? Yet I want to live?

    I find life to be an enthralling joy. I really do love living. But then I get these thoughts that creep up into my mind....imagine what it would feel like to jump off that building. Imagine cutting your dry skin so bad that you make blood appear....

    I feel confused by this whole situation. Please forgive me for writing a wall of text. :(
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sounds ot me like you mixed drugs and alcohol with a predictable result of irrational behavior that can happen with either alone. As soon as you over do on either you are putting yourself at risk for very poor decision making and when mixing both is certain to have a bad result. Sorry, I do not believe it has any soulful meaning or great insight into the mind- just a lot of toxins/poisons (as either would be labeled based on ingredients if the govt could not tax alcohol) having a predictable effect on your actions.
  3. Fall3nAngel86

    Fall3nAngel86 Member

    I can relate to what you are much as i want to live it feels like my subconscious or my soul or watever you want to call it wants to die. 2 years ago i among <mod edit - methods> myself but a picture of my niece saved me, but when i had hit rock bottom and stood up the world opend up to me and i realized what life really was i was happy nd sober for the first time sense i had been raped. I went 2 months completely sober until i had one drink that put those bad thoughts back in my head..thoughts of why God keep me here nd didnt take me as a child Angel...i seen the window but they didnt take me. Its a vision bedded in my head forever...Wat ive learnd through my hard life is that the further i got away from God the worst thats things got..Leting him into our hearts is the greatest feeling you cud ever feel better then any drug out ther.Cutting is not the answer i cut myself today too for the first time in 16 years nd it felt good to feel the pain go away on inside i wantd to cut more nd deeper but i no thats not solution to the goin completely sober for the rest of my life. So i never have to go through this pain again. Alcohol is the worst substance to the human body nd it changes the real you..i pray you have in you to become sober and ask God to lead your way and truely enjoy the life he has create for everyone of us...may God bess you!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 6, 2015
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