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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thing33, Dec 14, 2008.

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  1. thing33

    thing33 New Member

    The world is a cruel place...even worse for those who are completely useless and a burden to everyone arround them...a few months ago I was fired from a suposedly easy job, an entry job for most people. They didn't tell me exactly why I was "let go", they were extremely vague about it. When things like that happen to me I usually take them strongly when they first happen and suffer alot afterwards...1 day after I was fired all I could think about is how imcompitent I am and that I should kill myself. Normally I wouldnt be this extreme, however people have complained alot about me in previous jobs, and the girl I was working with in my second job basically hated me because I was too stupid and a burden on everyone...Im not exactly sure how I kept that one... Anyways...luckily i did have one friend who basically was loving life at that moment and talked me down from the ledge several times that week...although I couldnt stop relapsing. The weekend after I went camping/partying and forgot about the whole situation. After that I cant really think of when I've been as depressed about the situation as I am now.
    University being over for me until January, left me alone with my own thoughs....a big danger for me aparantly. I have also been pretty sick and isolated from human contact for about 3 days as I live alone. I started thinking about the event again, and stupidly I asked someone I once worked with, who was still working there, why exactly I got fired. I would actually rather him straight out tell me that I was the biggest moron he had ever met then have him subtley drop it like this: "well", he siad, "You weren't exactly keen with the customers, or the job". That hurt. What makes it much worse...and makes me much much stupider is the fact that I have been completely smitten with him for a while..he was the one who in fact told me about the job. By the way I have never had anything remotely close to a significant other, no one looks at me, no one tries to talk to me, and often when I am with friends I am stuck as the third wheel and at times forced to sit there in a corner, akwardly while the couple I am with practically has sex in front of me. This does not help me cope with the fact that I am officially terminally single. Anyways, this guy that I have liked for a long time, stupidly, has lately either been being nice to me, joking with me, etc. while at other times treats me like I am the biggest loser on the planet and not overtly but (im not even sure if he intends to) reminds me that I am completely airheaded and vapid and have no personality whatsoever. So basically him saying this, reaffirmed the fact that he has not even a fragment of respect for who I am. I assure you he wasnt this much of a db when I first met him, and he has evolved from being kind and down to earth to being highly pretentious...to me at least...to others he acts just like he did when i first met him. Its not even like Ive been completely invasive over him, yeah I have at times acted like I was interested in him, but usually I only acted as such under the encouragement of a friend or two, because aparantly when you like a guy you should drop a hint...I wouldnt know...sigh.
    Sorry about the tangent....its late at night and I cant sleep
    So basically his overtly blunt comment has reminded me of the fact that I am unable to do anything right. EVER... Even though I DID try to please at my job...and I try at all of my jobs.... I swear...I can never do enough, consequently people hate me, and hate working with me. So being the subhuman creature that I am...I feel as if ending my life would only relieve the world of another burden and as well save me from a future of lonliness and homelessness(being unable to hold down emloyment). My friends have been someone distant over the past few months...my roomate basically eloped with her boyfriend and did not tell me that she had left until 2 weeks later after I had been constantly trying to contact her, and everyone who knew her to make sure she wasnt dead. So although some people would be upset over my death, I dont believe it would be somthing that would plague anyone in the long run and likely they would completely forget about me after a few months. I was supposed to get councelling, however every time that I was going to I had a burst of hope and confidence taht made me think that I was a bit better than I actually am...
    I hope I've followed all the rules correctly...I'm very sorry If I've made any mistakes...I'm pretty new at forums too...
  2. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hello, I'm new to this forum too. Don't go because you've been brought down everytime by someone..you can work on yourself, to not let anyone bring you down..occasionally, crack some jokes about yourself but the fact that you cracked a joke on yourself will make others think that you're above that..

    There are many careless people here on Earth, do not bring yourself down because you are one of them. Know what your strength and weaknesses are..emphasize on your strengths so that your weaknesses may seem nothing..in comparison to your strengths..

    You are not a burden to others..and it doesn't matter what others think.. why are you trying to get other's approval of how you perform? If they don't like what you do, then see it as a learning process, you can always improve.. but if someone is being rude to you and being too harsh, ask them to shove a broom up their a55 because you're not to be treated like that. Always know where you stand..and try to be one step ahead of others so they won't catch you/bring you down.

    Don't choose to die because of people telling you you're not good enough.

    As for me, I'm having issues like you, and I'm thinking of getting out too..many people are..but you need to understand..your true core..that we're immortal beings..so don't expect to completely end your life because life goes on ..on the other side..

    You need to know the light..you need to search for it.. you need to love God..the source..and understand it's love..before you can move forward..life or death..you need God..

    God bless you and love you immensely.
  3. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    there is no god, please give that crap up for many people including me the belief in god is the reason we are in this mess
  4. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    On what basis you say that? What have you learn about the non-existence of God? With attitude like that that's why you know nothing of spirituality.. Have you ever had anything spiritual happen to you? Obviously not..but you were quick to understand that there is no God..how intelligent of a being you are. Everyone has a right to reason but you were quick to conclude, not knowing anything..just concluding solely based on personal opinion and stamped your foot on the ground - loudly declaring "There is no God"

    It's like a baby declaring loudly "I have no mother" when all he sees are two gay parents being his "mom" and dad, not knowing that he needs a female to fertilize the sperm..because he did not see his mother and is suffering because there's no breast to suckle on.. he loudly declared "I have no mother!" Due to his lack of brain he cannot think, because of his lack of wisdom he does not know, because of his attitude he'll never learn the truth.

    The baby is just like you..and I speak of the truth..because of your lack of wisdom you do not know, because of your attitude you'll never learn the truth. And that is the truth.
  5. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    ha I have had more crap happen to me in a life there can be surely no such thing as god

    and I have this thing I like to do called thinking, all you have to do is think about it

    whatever you are obviously brainwashed, you probably have done some horrible things in your past and need to believe in god, usually the people who have done horrible things that they cant ask forgivness for usually cling to god and try to brainwash the others into believeing in that crap

    I lack wisdom because I dont believe in god, that is funny
  6. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    I'm not one of those who are religious.. I'm just spiritual..and understand.. not brainwashed either.. If you look at spiritual things..you'll know..that's all I can say.

    Shit happens to your life has nothing to do with whether or not God existed. God doesn't need to help you..to God, this is of no importance in comparison to the whole scheme of things.. there's bigger things in the real life in comparison to what's happening on Earth so don't be a mummy's boy.

    It's like a mental kid saying..why am I stuck here in the mental institution?? HAve my parents not existed? Little did he know he was there because he smoked too much pot and tripped his brain out and have forgotten that his parents put him there to learn..His parents doesn't need to pay him a visit while he was there..that doesn't mean they have not existed. Sometimes it's best to learn things the hard way..not be a mummy's boy and question where's God when all the crap is happening..then conclude..there's no God.

    Know what I mean? I've encountered with spirits..and if there's no such thing as God..how come there's spirits lurking around? God is the source..spirits are energy..all things are God..do you not understand?
  7. thing33

    thing33 New Member

    Well how about we just "pretend" there isnt a god...then what would people say...
  8. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Thats fine being spiritual, but dont look downon non-believers just because they havent had these "spiritual" beliefs
    Its true that by saying "my life is shit, therefore there can be no god" is ridiculous but logically speaking, the chances of a god are really slim.
    everyones entitled 2 ther own beliefs, and wastedmy life has no right 2 tell you to stop posting "god loves you" or whatever you wrote, but you shouldnt then act liek hes less than you.
    Logically a god is almost impossible, at least a christian one, and in my opinion its an old fasioned belief that is dying out, and is used as a means of false hope to people. But hey, apparently on average believers are happier than non-believers so if its helping you feel better and get over suicidal feelings or watever then good for you i guess :)
  9. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hi Tenden,

    Thanks for reply.. my believe on God is not as a seperate being..but being the entire consciousness including you and me. Spiritual things happen..and people don't believe because they have not seen, they have to feel, therefore not willing to know.

    That, is ok..but I'm telling you from truth and from experience, that spiritual things happen everyday..why are we so blind to understand..that there is more to this dimension? That's the message I'm trying to say..

    I'm not religious, nor am I using spirituality as a tool.. I expect nothing of God.. what you need to understand is..not all people who believed in God expects something from God.

    Also, many people who do not believe in God is because all they see is violence, hatred, and many unanswered prayers..

    It's like this.. if you have a very loving dad/mom who put you in this school where there's lots of hatred, and bullying going on... do you hate them for doing so? They put you there.. to learn, the hard way.. "what doesn't break you makes you stronger"

    God is not a genie in a bottle...nobody can think as high as God himself.. I state this again, I believe God is not a seperate entity but the entire consciousness of the universe..the source..the omega..the everything.

    When someone's thinking levels,levels,levels... way..above our own comprehension, we do not fully understand it's thinking..because we cannot fathom it.

    Things are not always the way it seems it is..
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