Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Hache, Apr 29, 2009.

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  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I've turned to wine as a substitute for self harm, i get drunk on wine so i dont feel the aggressive frustrated urges anymore.

    But maybe this isn't the right thing to do, going through at least a bottle of wine a day, will i become some kind of alcoholic, am i going to develop an addiction?

    The thing is it's working, ok it isnt curing depression but it is curing the harming urges and the pain i get in my head that makes me want to bang my head off the wall. Instead of sleepless nights it comes to the point where i want to just fall down in bed and dont care instead.

    I dont know if all this is a good thing or not. Temporary fix to long term problem? Or even creating a long term problem. As soon as i feel frustration and anger urges kicking in I get the wine out, i started earlier than 3pm today lol

    I feel sick but I dont want to die, what is better
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    yeah i found that i was/am in a similar place. i haven't been drinking recently but i could see it was replacing bulimia for me, and sometimes i think recently i'd take anything to dull the pain because i was too scared to die. i know fully well i could develop a nightmare/slow suicide with this so i've stayed away from it and just been feeling the pain without much relief other than a sedative once in a while.

    as for your questions, yes it could become something you need/crave rather than a choice, especially if you're saying yourself it's replacing self harm urges.
  3. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    how do you beat it when it feels like the only thing to turn to?

    this morning i got urges to drink when the frustration was coming on, early signs of alcoholism?

    I'm drinking right now and it is 1:44pm lol
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i was terrified of sinking into bulimia, i could tell very early on what i was doing as the feelings around it was so much like food.

    when the ease to stop killing myself eased off, i didn't have the need to drink. it was getting compulsive though and the only 'medication' there was.

    when you feel the need to drink and you feel you don't have a choice anymore, early in the morning, yeah i suppose that is. i wasn't even drinking for long and psychiatrists thought i was addicted by how i was talking about it.

    how do you get rid of it completely? deal with what's going on underneath and what you're trying to cope with. i suppose that's what i'm doing and i'm wanting to kill myself a lot but then think, i'd rather be unconscious so i think of ways like alcohol and ODs to get to that stage so i don't wake up.

    i'm sorry i don't have any clear answers for you.
  5. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I understand what you are saying, i suppose all this will go away when and if depression does
  6. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Recently I've turned to an obsession with the getting and using of drugs as an alternative to obsessing about suicide.
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