Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by MoAnamCara, Dec 29, 2011.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I finally succumbed last night. The desire, the pain, the feelings were like rain covering every part of me that I just didn't have the strength to turn the other way and seek shelter.

    There was no pain until afterwards, this for me is a good gauge of where I am at overall. The less I feel, the more in despair I am.

    So here we are back at day one all over again. :(
  2. IntoTheWoods

    IntoTheWoods Guest

    I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now - but day 1 is always a good place to start again.
  3. blue

    blue Active Member

    Hey, I understand where you are coming from. It's tough. But it doesn't mean all of the work you've done has to get thrown away, you can still build on that. Did anything in particular cause the feelings to grow? I hope things get better soon, I really do. Please let me know if you need an ear.
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Mo...I know it is hard for me to truly understand what you're going matter what, through it all, I think you deserve lots and lots of credit for fighting...I wish I could make your perception of yourself more positive...I'm thinking of you, and the most important thing is you are safe and made it through last night. :hug:
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Rinse & repeat. :(

    But I had to, in many ways, for many reasons. Seeing and feeling the blood running down my leg was releasing. Funny how I could feel the blood but not the cuts.
  6. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Well, I've got a swollen fist and raw knuckles, so no sage advice from me. I wish we could all get well.
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    no advice from me either Mo but I can hear your pain and I'm here for you *hug*
  8. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    I'm here for you no matter what, ((((((Mo))))), please don't ever forget it. Sending love, friendship and ginormous hugs...T :console:
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I feel hurt. I feel anger. Am extremely anxious but unsure why (yet again). Not knowing my triggers is very difficult for me to cope with. Trying to not go there tonight but the thought is almost euphoric, the preparation itself even provides some relief. Pathetic.
  10. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    It hasn't helped much yet. Maybe I need more. I put a handful of pills in my mouth, freaked and spat them out. What is going on?
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad you spat them out Mo...
    you have a lot on your plate at the moment so anxiety is understandable
    please don't do anything drastic.
    call for help if you need to *hug*
  12. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    IV - thanks.

    It was impulsive and stupid. Take care & thank you.
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