Such a Failure...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by theOtherGuy, Dec 11, 2006.

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  1. theOtherGuy

    theOtherGuy Active Member

    Sorry guys, I've been gone for a while. Didn't want to make it seem as though I made one post and disappeared. I was a week away from finals week when I posted. Now that finals are over...I've found time to come back and pay a visit.

    My finals...I don't know how I did. I don't even want to look. All I can imagine is how poorly I did on it. Honestly, that's how I feel after any and every exam. I always feel like crud no matter how much I studied. Lately...if you consider the past few years of my life or more...that all I'm capable of is failing. Or at least failing my expectations. I just...suck...at everything I do. Getting no where, going nowhere...just living my life in limbo. I still go to class and everything, but I really don't want to. I find me forcing myself to get up every morning to do what...fail some more?

    I just don't know what to do with my life anymore. After 4 years of college, I still feel no excitement for this so called "futre" we're suppose to obtain. Future...what future exactly? I honestly don't see much a future, a just a bunch of random pictures that I know will never happen. Maybe...if you consider being a failure as a future? A failure at life...that's one thing to do...

    If anyone's reading this...how do/did you guys do in school?
     
  2. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Hey there. I did really crappy when it came to my GCSE exams because it was all acedemic to me. Then i went to college and did a BTEC in programming and merited it because there was no exams. Now i'm at uni and i'm scared to death of doing my last set of exams.
    FRom past experience i can tell you this. Don't let the demand of your workload define what you think you are. As a programmer i'm a practical person so when i come to exam days i just do the best i can knowing that it's really just proving to myself that i can do anything if i put my mind to it.
    I suppose what i'm trying to say is try not to let your exams and coursework tell you what you can and can't be. Otherwise your going to get very stressed out. Now that youve passed your finals you just need to wait (which is harder than it sounds, i think you'll agree) and see what you got. If you the results you wanted then excellento!
    But there is always that chance you didnt and it happens to everyone really. Ive known people to get upset because they got 90% on a two hour physics exam.
    (If) Just because you didnt get the results you wanted, doesnt mean your a failure at all. It's just the way our minds work, which makes it harder for us to learn different types of subject or acedemic and vocational work.
    I'm crossing my fingers for you anyhow and i'm sorry if the above is a big long garbled mess. I just woke up :wink:
    P.s. could you stick the thread name of your last thread on here so everyone can just flick to it. Thanke!
     
  3. NavyAirman

    NavyAirman Member

    I don't even think I'll make it through the Navy to get to go to college. If I do, then I have to figure out a major, heh.
     
  4. theOtherGuy

    theOtherGuy Active Member

    That's me... http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=20084

    Well, I'm a Biology major...Neuroscience/Physiology actually. I just kind of hate myself day in day out knowing that there are other people who don't have to try as hard as me and still find themselves on top. I try so f*ck*ng hard and I still "fail." I just hate myself for being me... Each time, I regret not putting even more effort into it...just an endless cycle...
     
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I haven't studied very hard and gotten very bad grades in college, I can do much better and my grades won't be that great once again this semester and my parents are gonna be so upset at me, this is really bringing me down. Its not only this, after college, I'll be all alone and working, having a real empty pathetic life, I have to commit suicide now to avoid all the future pain that will come to me.
    I did really good in high school but not in college, fuck it, I'm all alone there, pathetic, the biggest loser at my university, this sucks big time.
     
  6. Hey

    Hey Active Member

    There really isn't a global expectation for success, though. I kind of found that out the hard way. :mellow:

    But stick with college so you can have maximum choice in what you want to do. I thought success=college, too. But then I realized in order for something to make ME feel anything, I have to look inside me and figure myself the fuck out...it wasn't that easy.

    Just use these questions: "What do I like and why?" - work from there.
     
  7. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    I take my last final exam tomorrow. I was doing decent in all my classes around midterms, but think I've done poorly on my finals I've already had. It's not that I couldn't pass everything, maybe even make all As, but I just can't find the motivation. I just got my AAS last semetor and just started working on a BFA in graphic design.

    My problem is I just lack motivation. I like graphic design and photoshop but do I want to do that for the rest of my life? No, and there is nothing else that I want to do for the rest of my life. I often considering being a failure intentionaly. I hate responsibility, and a lot of it comes with success. I'd rather be a failure and have less responsibilies, better yet, I'd rather be dead and have no responsibilites.:blink:
     
  8. theOtherGuy

    theOtherGuy Active Member

    I honestly don't know what I like anymore. Actually come to think of it, I don't like anything. I just want to be left alone...crawl up into a ball. Yeah I really have no idea. If you ask me that in person, I'd probably be starring at you forever. I can't figure it out...
     
  9. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    But you used to like things right? I mean you put all that effort into your work so you must have wanted something from it. You had determination.
    But I read your other post and you said you'de been feeling like this for a while. Have you ever had any other time in your life when everything became worthless to you or simple things just kept getting harder, such as making decisions? And if so has it been frequent?
    It is defenitly not uncommon to see 19 - 23 year olds depressed. I think I read somewhere that the largest amount of suicides come from that age area. So with all these statistics you can see that theres always going to be someone you can talk to because I bet a hell of a lot of em are studying to.

    Ide say you need to find that spark youve lost and live a little and lay off your worries (easier said than done I know), it's the only way your going to get your motivation back for things. It might not even seem like you want your motivation back but without it life is a lot harder. Even the smallest improvement in life when you've been sad for so long can feel like euphoria sometimes.

    Just one more question I was interested in. You said you didn't want to shove your debts onto your parents. Where did you find out if they would get the debts or not? I asked this question a while ago but no-one really knew.
     
  10. red_trail

    red_trail Active Member

    you are not a failure... please dont think that. dont wish your life away based on a feeling about school. its not worth it... take care huni x
     
  11. Hey

    Hey Active Member

    I've been there too. I mean if you WANT to feel better, feel better. I can look at everything as a metaphor for blood, murder, corruption. These pants: created in sweatshop. My hairspray: will eat the ozone. The 13 cents in my pocket: not given to charity.
     
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