"Such a romantic"

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xVii, Jul 7, 2011.

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  1. xVii

    xVii New Member

    Sorry if this turns into a wall of text, I'm not too good at brevity.

    I've been crazy about this girl for going on seven years now. We're both part of the same circle of friends and I'd say we had/have a pretty good friendship. Back when we first met I was told by one of our mutuals that she was interested in me, but I was too young to realise how amazing this girl was. We went our seperate ways when she started seeing someone that was, without a doubt, no good for her.

    I heard news of how she was doing now and then, since her brother was one of my closest friends, and every time he told me how she was doing my heart absolutely broke. I hate being emotional, and off the Internet I, for the most part, paint a very stoic picture. I care so much about this girl that I hated myself for letting this piece of shit get his diseased hooks into her.

    I feel like its my fault that she got into a relationship that was lousy with his type of fucking manipulation. I hate myself that I let someone so amazing get snapped up by such a soulless bastard. I don't pretend that I'm any saint, but I do know that I could have made her so much happier than he ever could have. I keep on replaying the memory of when I first heard that she was interested in me, and all I can think of is how much of a fucking idiot I was for basically ignoring it.

    What makes it worse for me as that over the course of our friendship, we hooked up a few times. I've confessed things to her, and vice versa. Always, the next day or the next week, there I am completely confused and hurt way too much. Am I an idiot for believing that we had/have/could ever have something deeper?

    My friends that know her says that she's "loose", that she'll "do whatever she wants without a thought to the consequences" [That's a direct quote.] But I refuse to believe that. I know that she's a genuinely sweet, thoughtful person. They say that I'm "such a romantic" for being this torn up about her. I can tell, what they're thinking is "this guy is a fucking pussy, just another guy suckered in by some tramp."

    I guess I just can stand the thought that I could have had something amazing, and I fucked it all up because I was so fucking blind. I've spent too much time hurting over this same god damn girl and I simply don't know what to do. When my friends feed me that "romantic" line all I feel is the most appalling sense of embarrassment. All I can think of is 'What if they're right?', and how much of a fucking fool I must've been to fall for this. I get so close to just calling it quits, all over a God damn girl, and I start to shake and I just pass out.

    I'm sorry for the wall of text. I'm drunk and I've had old wounds opened up, as well as about half a pound of salt poured over them.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Wow hun you were too young to get into a relationship and she has stated she is not interested right so you need to move on find a girl that is available that will take your mind off this one. You approached her the answer was no so she has made her choices in life nothing to do with you all her own decisions
    time to close that door now and open a new one okay one that will bring you joy not sadness.
  3. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Thats fine, the more you write the more we can help you!

    How old were you when you first me this girl?

    Its important to note that one of your friends told you that she was interested in you but the girl didn't tell you straight - this indicates that she wasn't sure - you also say that you "hooked" up with her a couple of times however nothing developed so this girl definitely looks to have been confused and unsure.

    Of course you will care about this girl, i still sometimes maybe think of possible relationships i could have with girls however what i understand clearly is that you like or even love her but she wasn't sure if she loved or liked you.

    Each person will choose a path, we may not always agree with the path a person chooses however we have to accept it. In this case you have to accept that she is going out with someone else.

    Its not your fault that she got into this relationship, she is responsible for her own decisions like you are responsible for your decisions.
    I am sure you would have been a much better boyfriend to her than her current boyfriend however we all make our choices.

    You will meet many girls still, you won't match with all of the girls you will meet but you will find your match - you will find the girl that will not be confused on whether she loves you or not and that will love you.

    You don't need to apologize actually, we're here to help you.
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey brother - don't worry about a wall of text - I'll likely show what a real wall of text is by the time I've finished here!

    First off - Xvi - I would never judge a woman who might have had a lot of relationships. Given a woman only has to go into a pub to get hit upon - my surprise is that many actually have only slept with a few men. I mean to say - almost any women could go out and not go home alone if you know what I am saying.

    If a woman is not married - its not really anyone's business who she sleeps with and how often. As long as nobody is cheating on anyone - judging it or judging her is actually wrong.

    I mean - I don't want to come across as some Bible thumping chump (you will pick that up) but I go to church - I read the Bible now and again - and reading your story reminds me of the women about to be stoned to death by the townsfolk. Her sin was to basically to sleep out of wedlock - people were ready to stone her to death. Jesus said "Let he without sin cast the first stone'.

    OK - nobody is stoning someone to death - but people who gossip about someone - cast them in the role of the sinner - they make a mistake.

    The ONLY way you will ever know if this young woman is ready to have a serious monogamous relationship is to ask her out. So I think I'm going to tell you to go for it - have no expectations but ask for a date.

    I'm saying this as you cannot afford to be just good friends with her. You feel a passion for her - so don't settle for being a 'chump' who is there so she can cry on your shoulder over other men.

    At least if you go for it - you will find out for sure whether this women is just some kinda ideal you have in your head - or if she really is the one for you. You think she is sweet and kind - sometimes we see who a person really is and everyone else sees something else. After all - here we all are on a suicide forum. We are holding something back and only a few people really know who we are 100%.

    So - ask her for a date - do that now before you drink even more booze and rerun the same stuff you have thought for 8 years round and round. Only one way to get those questions answered - and you know what must be done!

    Needless to say - be clean, be on time - tell her how you feel - man up on that - but man up if things do not work out also.

    I hope things work out for you.

    The only way to find out if she is the one is to get close to her. Given you have known her for 8 years - this is why I say 'go for it'.

    Many men have held back with women - not seized their chance. Go for it bro - ASAP - before you wimp out.

    Let us all know what happens.

    As ever bear in mind that sometimes...


    Good luck my man.

    Hope things work out.
  5. Bruz

    Bruz Member

    I agree with Peacelovingguy,

    The longer you leave it the more you will regret not doing anything about it, let's say she's sat at home right now, upset and fed up of being with this guy, thinking about you.... but all those times you met right? you never made a move on her so you must not like her.... at least thats how she "may" see it.

    Ask her out, tell her straight how you feel, then even if she shoots you down you will at least know, instead of thinking what if what if what if.... Even if this is the case, knowing will allow you to move on, and you'll feel relieved for finally getting your feelings off your chest if nothing else.

    I hope it works out for you dude, because you seem like a geniune guy,
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