Sorry if this turns into a wall of text, I'm not too good at brevity. I've been crazy about this girl for going on seven years now. We're both part of the same circle of friends and I'd say we had/have a pretty good friendship. Back when we first met I was told by one of our mutuals that she was interested in me, but I was too young to realise how amazing this girl was. We went our seperate ways when she started seeing someone that was, without a doubt, no good for her. I heard news of how she was doing now and then, since her brother was one of my closest friends, and every time he told me how she was doing my heart absolutely broke. I hate being emotional, and off the Internet I, for the most part, paint a very stoic picture. I care so much about this girl that I hated myself for letting this piece of shit get his diseased hooks into her. I feel like its my fault that she got into a relationship that was lousy with his type of fucking manipulation. I hate myself that I let someone so amazing get snapped up by such a soulless bastard. I don't pretend that I'm any saint, but I do know that I could have made her so much happier than he ever could have. I keep on replaying the memory of when I first heard that she was interested in me, and all I can think of is how much of a fucking idiot I was for basically ignoring it. What makes it worse for me as that over the course of our friendship, we hooked up a few times. I've confessed things to her, and vice versa. Always, the next day or the next week, there I am completely confused and hurt way too much. Am I an idiot for believing that we had/have/could ever have something deeper? My friends that know her says that she's "loose", that she'll "do whatever she wants without a thought to the consequences" [That's a direct quote.] But I refuse to believe that. I know that she's a genuinely sweet, thoughtful person. They say that I'm "such a romantic" for being this torn up about her. I can tell, what they're thinking is "this guy is a fucking pussy, just another guy suckered in by some tramp." I guess I just can stand the thought that I could have had something amazing, and I fucked it all up because I was so fucking blind. I've spent too much time hurting over this same god damn girl and I simply don't know what to do. When my friends feed me that "romantic" line all I feel is the most appalling sense of embarrassment. All I can think of is 'What if they're right?', and how much of a fucking fool I must've been to fall for this. I get so close to just calling it quits, all over a God damn girl, and I start to shake and I just pass out. I'm sorry for the wall of text. I'm drunk and I've had old wounds opened up, as well as about half a pound of salt poured over them.