Such an addict.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by savetoniqht, Jun 27, 2010.

  1. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    Wow, haven't been on here in a while. I've also never posted one of these but I'm just so lost right now.

    I feel like I'm caught up in so many bad habits that I just can't seem to let go of. Eating disorders, cutting... It just never ends. I just got out of inpatient two weeks ago and I thought it helped but now I'm just a trainwreck all over again. My mood just goes so up and down, and when it goes down there's just nothing I can do to stop myself from purging, or stop myself from cutting. I just don't know what's wrong with me. How did I get caught up in all this and why the hell can't I stop?? Ugh I almost ended it a little before I went in. I just wish I had. I can't keep living like this. I feel so lost and so freaking alone. :(
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    That sounds rough, and you sound very lost and not sure where to go.

    Has your inpatient unit referred you to outpatient services, and do you have a therapist who might give you support so the cutting/ED might become a bit more managed?
  3. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I was in a partial hospitalization program but they discharged me, and now I'm just back to seeing my shrink who doesn't do shit. The issue is that it definitely helped- there are times where I can eat without hating myself, or times where I feel like crap and don't cut- but I always go back to this stat where nothing helps and I feel so caught up in everything. As much as there are times where I feel like I'm recovering from everything, I always end up back down this path where I just want to end it so, so badly.
  4. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I can relate to this, suffer from eating disorder and cutting, have been inpatient a few times and I know how hard it is once you are out on your own. Having a therapist that i can really talk to and depend on has made all the difference for me. And when all else fails, going back into treatment helps.

    I am here if you want to talk.
  5. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    Thanks :) yeah I've been dealing with this for a reaaallllyyy long time and I've been inpatient and in partial programs many times. Sometimes I feel okay but when I get like this it just doesn't feel like it's possible for me to overcome it. It's just so frustrating and I don't feel like I really have anyone I can talk to about it. I think I need to find a new therapist. I may take you up on your offer and PM you sometime... We'll see. But thanks.
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Fighting addiction is one of the most challenging things on can do. It takes all the strength and attention you have and then some. I wish I could help you through it.

    Any amount of time you go without giving in is an accomplishment :hug: Remember that, you were strong enough to not do It for a while. Just like exercising it takes time to build up your muscles. Addiction is No different. You can keep making it in small steps. I know you can. :hug: PM me anytime hun.
  7. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much, that actually helped a lot. :) I'm working on it... I actually ate a pretty good amount today without purging, and the world didn't end. (however I'm in an okay mood right now... I'm sure I'll take this back in an hour...) but thank you. And I might take you up on that offer to PM you sometime. :)

    God, I just wish it could be easy.
  8. Trincypris12

    Trincypris12 New Member

    The issue is that it definitely helped- there are times where I can eat without hating myself, or times where I feel like crap and don't cut- but I always go back to this stat where nothing helps and I feel so caught up in everything.

    drug rehab
  9. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I was in a situation like this one, but mine was a different type of abuse. I constantly ate any drug I could get a hold of, and I drank all the time. It got to the point where I wanted to stop but couldn't. I personally found freedom in Yahweh through his son's sacrifice. You know him by Christ and I know him by Yahshua his birth name. This is the only thing that has saved, and helped me in life, and my life is now free and enjoyable. It is up to you to take it or leave it, but I wouldn't give up hope without searching for it first. Blessings..
  10. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, I never saw this and thanked you for responding. And yeah I have nothing against religion, like I understand that some people are very religious (my extended family is), but it's never done much for me. I used to pray all the time for things to change but they didn't. So I gave up.

    I'm having the most trouble with purring now. I'm allowing myself to eat but keep purging. Point being no matter what I'm doing to control it, I'm obsessed with the control. I don't know what to dooooo. Ugh.
  11. Angelinabv

    Angelinabv New Member


    There are many drug rehab centers is there to cure you from addiction Drug Rehab