Such an Idiot.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ~Claire, Jan 1, 2011.

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  1. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Best laid plans & all that.

    Tonight was/is my night. I've had 2 glasses of wine (already wearing off cos I'm such a wuss) & I've just started taking some tablets.

    My plan is in 2 parts, 1st I've already started on, 2nd is yet to come. But time is getting on & I've not even finished what tablets I have laid out. I want to be sick but I know I can't. Would undo all my effort, but I can feel them sitting in my throat. I've literally only just taken them so they won't have any effect for a while.

    I am hoping I will find the strenght to follow through with my plan but I'm struggling at the moment. I wasn't even particularly suicidal when I woke up today but this is my only opportunity to get out for good. Just because I'm not suicidal today doesn't mean O won't be tomorrow or the next day.

    I am such a fucking idiot. Desperately seeking triggers to give me that final push.

  2. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Claire! Please stop what you are doing and get medical attention. This is a new year and a new chance. I believe that you have some doubts about continuing to od and I want you to listen to that doubt. Phone an ambulance now; make sure you show them what you have taken.
    Please keep us updated.
  3. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I don't need medical attention. And yes, right now I have my doubts but they'll go away & the overwhelming urges will return. Tonight is the on,y time I can do this. I just need to stop procrastinating & get on with it.

    Have got some travel sickness medicine in the hope it'll stop the nausea, it's worth a shot.
  4. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Why is today the only time?
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    How are you right now?

    If you're feeling sick already you might not get to stage 2, pass out and/or wake up with physical damage.
  6. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Only time I've got the house to myself.

    Think we can assume stage 2 is off :sad:. Not feeling great so going to go see if I can sleep it off, shouldn't be too hard I'm exhausted.
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure what you took but lets say benzos and alcohol can be a very bad idea.

    I know you're tired but A+E is the place to go for them to keep an eye on your physical health. You sound very much at an end, and what you're doing is a sign of how much you suffer. I hear you. There will be a time, with guidance, when the way you're coping will change and you can channel those urges elsewhere and through different means.

    Things might happen when you're asleep. You might wake up regretting the time passed as some effects of ODs kick in hours later- which is why I'm thinking of A+E. You're in my thoughts and I really hope you will get through this- it sounds intolerable- and the pain you're in sounds too much to bear you had to go through this. I'm glad you're talking here though as it's always good to hear from you.
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Please don't harm yourself Claire. Has something triggered you? :hug:
  9. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I can't PM you. I know "I hope you are okay" sounds pretty stupid considering how you were feeling but wherever you are I want you to know I'm wishing you everything to get through to the other end of the hell you are in, alive and in one piece.
  10. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I agree with Plates that you should go to A&E - please. X
  11. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone. I'm alright. I've slept pretty much non stop since I last posted, couldn't keep my eyes open. But I'm over the worst of it now.

    Thanks again :hug:

    Claire xx
  12. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Stay safe xxxx
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