For the time being I am not trying to kill myself. However now I am hurting myself, and without going into details, it hurts. I suppose self harming is saving my life in way, but in a way self harming is even worse. It makes me feel alive, pents me up for a few moments, then it hurts and hurts, till my wounds run dry. Im hopeless, guitly, yet I contiune to do it. God damnit this method rule makes it very hard to talk.