sudden emotional surge to do it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by icequeen, May 1, 2011.

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  1. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    is this normal? more and more i find myself obsessing about death whether i am asleep or awake. today i have been obsessed with it, cut, and still want to do more as not enough blood flow. i am not a lifelong cutter, so why in the last 12 months have i become obsessed with it. i just feel i have too many battles to fight its easier to give up, but then i read the forums and feel selfish, i dont know, i just like to understand why i feel the way i do rather than stop it.
     
  2. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm so sorry today is this way for you.

    Don't feel selfish, please.

    I can't answer your question because I don't know what is normal, or if anyone can define what normal is.

    But what I can say is that I find my sui thoughts are impulsive and this is what scares me. I also have bad days and days I'm really down and upset but may not feel impulsive.

    But then other days are the pits altogether when all is just too overwhelming and the thoughts rule my mind.

    As they say, wait 24 hours and rethink, as tomorrow we will/may feel differently.

    I hope you can get some relief tonight from this torrent of thoughts.

    hugs.
     
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    please don't let the forum make you feel selfish or bad about yourself, that's really the opposite of what it's supposed to do

    I don't think that asking for help or posting about how you feel takes anything away from anyone else
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Icequeen, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You're not selfish, post, vent, talk all you want thats what the forums are there for. Do you have a therapist, are you on meds?
     
  5. R Wolf

    R Wolf Member

    Sometimes thinking about suicide helps to kill the pain. I know it sounds strange but I think that sometimes that how our mind works. When you cut yourself your brain secrets endorphins and that make you feel better, other people do drugs, alcohol, sex, and other stuff. It’s how we try to survive, to feel better.

    Well, I personally have cut myself some years ago, it was hardcore, I put the blade in a flame, so the rest you can imagine. And well, I know that it helps you feel better, but think about it, you are harming yourself. And we are already kind of broken, and you try to broke you more, hell no. I think that you have to really stop doing it, if you are depressed just hear some music, write something, punch you bed or something, but nothing that could harm you more. You don’t deserve it. If you have gone all the way until now, why make it harder?

    About the selfish, well maybe you are selfish, I don’t know you but if you are selfish what the problem? I am very selfish and narcissistic, that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. Yes I use some people to achieve some things, but I also try to help them with their problems, so it’s kind of all win situation. Don’t worry, accept yourself and be proud, and if you feel guilty about something, well do something about it.

    And yes it’s perfectly normal to feel like this if you see the world in a different perspective, I know it hard, but will you close your eyes now that you have seen how really the world is? Be proud.

    A big hug, with all my support to you.

    Adios,
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I don't think you are selfish.. I think you are face to face with reality.. Maybe you don't like what you see..Tomorrow is another day.. You can make it out to be what ever you want it to be..Use the forum to vent your frustrations.. We are hear to listen to what you have to say..Take Care And Be Safe!!
     
  7. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    thanks everyone for your thoughts...being a carer for so long, you forget how you yourself actually feel and suddenly after years of forced detachment its hurts like hell when reality suddenly kicks in and dealing with the emotional roller coaster of depression/ptsd just adds to the mix.

    am seeing psychologist again on fri...pdoc signed me off when i refused his meds. my gp got me on meds again a while ago but not having much luck..have tried others but had bad side effects

    exposure therapy is a massive trigger at the moment (as if i need any more!!) but at the moment i am hanging on in.

    thank you all for your support :grouphug:
     
  8. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we love you here.
     
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