Sudden waves of pain, seperated by lonliness.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ThornThatNeverHeals, May 23, 2011.

  1. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    For about 2 hours each night ive been able to try to be happy, but even under that, i wonder, and feel lonely. I feel like what ive built, what ive made to create that hapiness is shattering (again) and that for every 2 steps forward, im taking 3 back. i want to lay down and cry right now. Im looking for online helplines, but i can find none for my country. i dont know what to do, ive been dreaming of cutting off one of my toes, and am really tempted to do just that. i think i can get myself a blade to cut, because my frostbite is all fucked up. Ive been trying to stop SIing, but it doesnt seem worth it. i feel like i want to lie down, and never get back up. That is what ive been doing for the past couple days when not on here. Im trying to keep happy, trying to put on the brave face for my friends, but i feel it slipping. where do i go from here? :blub:
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You go to hospital you talk to a coucillor at your school a teacher someone that will get you some help to stay safe hugs
  3. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Hey Thorn... I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I can sympathize with the lonliness of a situation, so I know it must be hard.

    Cutting your toe off would not be a very good idea, so it's better to not do it.

    I agree with TE. See if you can find your way to A&E. Maybe they can help you emotionally and mentally; and your frostbite at the same time.

    Take care of yourself first.

  4. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    1st step is not to cut your toe off.
    2nd step no toe cutting
    3rd step is to not even think about cutting your toe off or any other form of self harm.
    4th talk to people you can trust. A Dr. or a counselor.
    5th step is to put away the mask (brave face). I have spent years pretending to be strong and normal. I have spent so much time perfecting my mask that I often believe in who I see in the mirror. Still I know I have to embrace who I really am before I can see myself without a mask and still see the strong woman I have tried to fool people into believing. I think talking to people will be the answer for the both of us.

    I am sorry you are feeling so down. I wish there were something I could do for you.
  5. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    how can you trust the doctors, the counsilers. I cannot trust them, seeing the counsiler in the hallway will at times trigger an anxiety attack. Let alone dealing with them in a closed room. Last time they tried that i broke down, and ran away. Id rather not go through that again, and i cannot go through dealing with them, but who is there left to trust. People are stupid, uncaring souls. On here im only words, but in material, people cannot care. Words dont trigger that human reaction as fast as the actual person can. And i dont want to deal with that either. How can i? They laugh at the kids who cut, its a joke to them, people get mad when u say "thats gay" but noone thinks twice about "shut up you cutter" they will laugh at me, as they have done before. unlike the other kids, i wont have the choice to leave the school to do to another.