It's been 2 years now since our 8 year relationship ended, and since I found out she'd been having an affair for a year or so. The affair was what sent me into a complete tailspin, and the last 2 years have been like being in a tumble dryer. Finally, in these last few months, I've got to the stage where I'm beginning to feel a bit functional again. For most of that time, I've had massively conflicted feelings toward her -- mostly negative, mostly a constantly feeling that she wasn't the person I thought she was, that the whole 8 years were a lie. But for some reason, in the last few days, all the negativity has just melted away, and suddenly I want to go back to her and give it another go. Somehow I feel at some level that she and I were meant to be together. That she is the only woman I will ever really love. That it doesn't matter what happened, because when I am old, I want to be with her, when I die, or she dies, I want us to be there for each other. I have said so many destructive things to her these 2 years. There is probably no going back, but there is, I think, a possibility. It's complicated by the fact that I am on the other side of the world until Christmas or so. But really I want to see her now. To plead with her now. I don't know. Maybe I need to put this all out of my mind. But somehow it's still all there, under all the scar tissue. Complete and unconditional love for this person. I don't know what to do.