suffering for the last 12 years

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kittycat1, Dec 18, 2010.

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  1. kittycat1

    kittycat1 New Member

    all i want is a break... the last 12 years of my life have been filled with things no person should ever have to see or feel or suffer. i have seen close friends die i have been abused by my father and multiple ex boyfriends. i have been beaten raped i have been homeless sleeping behind buildings and in sheltersand right when things seem like they may start to be going right everything gets destroyed. i met the best man i could ever ask for in febuary this year we started dating on febuary 28 it was the happiest thing in my life. i moved in with his family a month later and everything was great i had built a new life for myself and finally had a chance to make something of my self but i tried to help a friend by talking my fiances mom into letting her stay with us. they fall in love with her start hating me and then she lies to them and says i cheated on my fiance and i would never do that. i got kicked out and had to stay with my sister i mean his mom put bruises on me. so he moved out and we got our own place and then after a few months of everything being perfect the car breaks and i lose my house and my job and i had to move in with my other sister who likes to get drunk and beat me my fiance tried to help but i stopped him. we lived there and paid rent for over a month and she kicked us out last night because my fiance took a bath at the wrong time. now we are living in a hotel and that will hold us over til thursday and im not sure what we are doing after that and the thing is that i know that if i wasnt here my fiance who is the sweetest and kindest man i have ever met would be safe at home instead of in a crappy motel if it wasnt for me. i wish i were dead so i could stop suffering because i can see that no matter how hard i work it will never get better. and i know the only way he would go back home is if i were dead if i just left he wouldnt rest until he found me. he has already proven it. he has proven that he would do anything for me and he deserves so much better than a loser like me. ill never be anything i work so hard and it comes to nothing. all i ever wanted was a steady job and a steady roof over my head and to go to college and make something of myself. i never thought that would be so much to ask.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...this is so sad and I am so sorry this is happening to you...your 'friend' should be ashamed of herself...but she probably had not experienced love either and did what she had to so she could have it...not an excused, just the context..please know we are here for you and also know, I am sure your fiance would not want you to die...please PM me if I can help...big hugs and wishing better things for you, J
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No that is not too much too ask I hope you can reach out to the supports in your community to get some help Your church government grants even will help you get into college perhaps Check out what agencies there are that help okay Homeless shelters check them out now see if one can take you in and fiance I am sorry life has dealt you such horrible way but you are a survivor you are a fighter so don't give up now okay. Look into government agencies that can help you take care.
     
  4. kittycat1

    kittycat1 New Member

    thank you both things are looking up a little and i appreciate the words of encouragement i will look into the grants.
     
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