Suffering too much to bear

[Teleri]

Hello I struggle to communicate. Even on a forum like this where a person can choose to stay anonymous it's tough to write out incredibly difficult feelings.

I am a 52 yr old woman. My children are grown and currently experiencing the empty nest. I developed chronic depression when I was eleven. It's definitely a symptom of complex childhood trauma.

I can see, as I read some of these posts, how many people are overwhelmed and tired of life. I empathize greatly. I also feel beat down, unable to tolerate my mental illness anymore. I never want anyone to give up hope if they are in this position. Including myself. At the same time I feel some relief to just admit I am not strong enough to beat this. It is truly a monster. The guilt and shame I feel towards my beautiful family is a bit too much to bear that I want to give up. This will cause them great pain.



I send my love to all of you suffering.

 

[Anchorchain]

I'm glad that you're sharing your feelings here, Teleri. There's no giving up hope, no surrender to our demons.
Forgiving ourselves for whatever we think we did to feel guilt and shame is a difficult thing to accomplish, but let's both keep at it.
We're probably better than we think we are.

Thank you for sending your love.

 

[may71]

I developed chronic depression when I was eleven.

Since you were eleven? That's a young age to have developed depression.

I'm sorry that you're going through this and that you've suffered so much for so long.

 

[seabird]

welcome @Teleri
I'm glad you're here.

I hope you'll stay around, and that you start feeling better soon. When things seem very dark, it helps to be here. Sf is safe for writing about what's going on because most of us know those sorts of monsters too.

 

[nicktheundoer]

Hello I struggle to communicate. Even on a forum like this where a person can choose to stay anonymous it's tough to write out incredibly difficult feelings.

I am a 52 yr old woman. My children are grown and currently experiencing the empty nest. I developed chronic depression when I was eleven. It's definitely a symptom of complex childhood trauma.

I can see, as I read some of these posts, how many people are overwhelmed and tired of life. I empathize greatly. I also feel beat down, unable to tolerate my mental illness anymore. I never want anyone to give up hope if they are in this position. Including myself. At the same time I feel some relief to just admit I am not strong enough to beat this. It is truly a monster. The guilt and shame I feel towards my beautiful family is a bit too much to bear that I want to give up. This will cause them great pain.



I send my love to all of you suffering.

I'm so sorry..We just want to hear whatever you want to say..HUGSSS..

 

[Pebble mouse]

Welcome @Teleri. Glad you joined us! This is a platform for sharing and seeking support in a compassionate community. Feel free to express yourself freely, and remember, there's no pressure to do more than you're comfortable with. ((hugs)).

 

[Lifeisthis]

You ever think about getting a cat or a dog. You seem like a lovely person that's a natural care taker and has a alot of love to give. My mother loved dogs and saved them all the time. Dogs give unconditional love. Maybe you can visit your children more too im sure they would love that. You got to alot to offer I can tell. God bless

 

[Survivorist]

I am 100% sure, that your children did not suffer from depression, because you did everything you could to avoid that for them. This is strong and good. When kids leave, its empty (mine too) but its a phase that will end as well. When they run into life's trouble they will ask you for help - be sure. The idea of having a dog or a cat at home is good. Some people do that, others write, do sport, travel, work for church... The list is long. I wish from all my heart that you go to bed this evening and feel embraced by all good people here (see above). And - welcome. Share - we are listening and answering. Courage.

 

[1964dodge]

Hello I struggle to communicate. Even on a forum like this where a person can choose to stay anonymous it's tough to write out incredibly difficult feelings.

I am a 52 yr old woman. My children are grown and currently experiencing the empty nest. I developed chronic depression when I was eleven. It's definitely a symptom of complex childhood trauma.

I can see, as I read some of these posts, how many people are overwhelmed and tired of life. I empathize greatly. I also feel beat down, unable to tolerate my mental illness anymore. I never want anyone to give up hope if they are in this position. Including myself. At the same time I feel some relief to just admit I am not strong enough to beat this. It is truly a monster. The guilt and shame I feel towards my beautiful family is a bit too much to bear that I want to give up. This will cause them great pain.



I send my love to all of you suffering.

i know how you feel about the empty nest syndrome. you ddn't mention if the father is still in the house with you. we suffered ens more than once, our youngest moved out and came back a couple of times so had to tolerate it a couple extra times.

it is your job to raise your kids to be as independent as possibe, one day if you do your job rght they wll fly away. most kids stay in their parents lives long after they leave. all 3 of my kids flew from the nest years ago and they are a big part of our lives, and we are very proud of them.

the facts of life for most people is they are born, go through childhood, they marry and have kids, then they are alone hopefully with their spouse. a lot of people get divorced because of ens. that's because good parents put the kids first and marriage second. i know it's not easy, my wife and i had to rediscover our relationship. it was very hard at first but now we enjoy each other in the silence, and our kids are always there if we need them. give yourself time to adjust. this could be a rewarding part of your life

mike.....

 

[iloverachel]

Heartbreaking to hear you have suffered from depression since 11 and that your children are suffering emptiness too.
I also feel like i can't beat this monster of depression, I emphasize with you and your children greatly
I really don't know what else to say but thank you for venting to us and please keep us updated
We are here for you