Every time I think things are getting better, they turn around and get worse. As I sit here I can't handle the pain anymore. My physical pain and my emotional pain are on par with each other. They are both at a 10. I am so angry that I am alive. I hate every day. Even my hands hurt as I type. My head is throbbing. I took my meds today and they have done almost nothing. The antidepressants are not working; my antianxiety medicine is doing something. It is making me tired, dulling the world. Maybe that is what it is meant to do. I am starting to think that all the meds over the years have wrecked my body. I looked at a few websites that are "anti-medication" and am now thinking that much of the prescribed meds were a way to make the drug companies rich and did little or nothing to make my life better. My personal life is mess. I hate to be around people. I look at them and see that they have so much of what I don't: happiness, health, family, friends, and money to name a few. On the other hand, the people that I am forced to be around, my coworkers and most of my customers, seem to be unhappy as well. They are bitter and for the most part mean to each other. I hate the culture that the US has become. It is a pill pushing nation with little concern for those in need. So many people lack morals, respect, or simple kindness to each other. Ours is a society based on money and greed. So many seem to lie or try to defraud you in some way. I have had a family member steal my identity and ruin my life. I cannot afford the basics and I work 40 hours a week. I don't have healthcare. I look at the world and see such doom. I watch people blowing people and things up. Like what happened in Norway recently. I would have loved to have been one that died in that tragedy. I would be free of the emotional and physical pain I experience daily. I would no longer see the demise of the culture of the US. I would no longer have to listen to my government lie to me and watch the politicians and their friend’s line their pockets at the expense of the American taxpayer. I have to stop here; this post is getting too long and probably boring to most. I wish I could leave where I am now, the library, walk out onto the street and get struck down by a car. That kind of luck has never been mine.