suffering

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by distress, Sep 9, 2011.

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  1. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    I have never in my life wanted so much to tear apart my arms than I do now. 1 month clean and its killing me, with all the shit thats going on now I just cant take it
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Distress, you are in such distress..post about what you are feeling, scream ,rant, and find a place to affirm your worth and somewhere, like here, where you will be acknowledged! We are listening
     
  3. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Talk to us, get the nastiness and bile out of your head and into a post if you can.

    You have been doing so well, I know it must be very hard especially in stressful times. But remember if you feel bad, you can still think how well you have done, one month clean!
     
  4. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    Was one month clean..... Now I know why I stopped
     
  5. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Did you relapse? How do you feel?
    It happens, just remember that. Try to go 5 weeks without now.
     
  6. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    I couldnt help it, I am just really not doin well and nkw I feel like crap. I wish I could but its to hard
     
  7. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I know its hard, and I know how well you did before and I am sure you can do the same again.Do not think of this as a failure, think of a whole month clean! Bet you didn't think you could do it. But you did.

    Why do you feel like crap, what drove you to it?
     
  8. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    Your right, Although I wish I felt that way. It started with work boss hates me, my colleagues Dont even like me, family problems and I just dont know how to manage
     
  9. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Are you sure they feel that way?
    I have social anxiety and often think people hate me with little provocation.

    Its hard in times like these as work is hard to find so its difficult to leave a job, Can you continue to work there? Can you make things better?
     
  10. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    I do know because of the way they treat me. Just screwed up and now I thnk im gona cop some serious crap and idk if I can take it. I cant even last a day without SH so I dont know if I could even last amonth again. I want to talk to my friend about it but everytime I try I get.pushed away and they dont even realise how much it killls me that they do it

    I wish I could walk out but I cant because I cant afford it anymore.


    Thank you so much for replying, you have really helped me to vent and I cant thank you enough. Just knowing someone is there to talk whether you know then or not makes a hugh difference and I dont feel as alone so thanks
     
  11. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Why might you be in trouble?

    Your friend might be scared, of saying the wrong thing, making it worse. I am sorry they cannot talk to you.

    You can vent to me as you like, it's best to get these thoughts out of your head. Thank you for what you said.
     
  12. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    Its a mistake that has cost the business a fair bit of money.
    I want to tell them though Im scared myself. they dont know about my cutting but im sure they suspect it
     
  13. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Oh dear that is tricky.
    Was it really your fault? Where there circumstances?
     
  14. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    It was my fault, I made a dumb mistake and I wish I could blame it on something but I can't blame it on the fact that I was depressed and feeling like crap because I'd most likely get fired...
     
  15. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I think this work issue is causing a lot of your distress. Do you think it might be a good idea to tell someone there what has happened? It may cause problems but if it is going to come out anyway this way you will control it.
     
  16. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    Yeah i guess your right, although I wouldn't have a clue to who I would bring this up with. I don't really have an abundance of friends and the people I work with couldn't give a rat about me.
     
  17. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I understand and it would be hard. Do you have a supervisor, something of that sort? They would be the one to tell I guess. The problem is I cannot deny that this might cause you problems but I do feel things are best out in the open.
     
  18. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    I guess i could speak to my supervisor about that although considering i cost the company a bit of money im sure i can guess his response. I really hope i dont get fired :/


    Why is self harm so addictive? im really struggling to try and stop now. I work with people and i have to wear a short sleeve shirt and they are going to see the marks, i didnt think this through at all.
     
  19. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I know but it will look better if you admit to it - can you say something like 'I've just realized that...'?
    But remember I do not know the exact circumstances.

    Can you do something that does not scar? I think people use ice. It is addictive and I know you can break the addiction, because you did before for a month.
     
  20. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    Well i will try and i really hope that he understands because i cant afford to lose it.

    I think ice is a better idea thanks.
     
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