Suffocated

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SunakoNotKir, Dec 18, 2015.

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  1. SunakoNotKir

    SunakoNotKir New Member

    First
    I'm sorry for English to be very wrong, I am a foreigner ...
    Forgive me
    Have you ever felt the scum of the earth ? I feel like that.
    I do not feel beautiful , I feel uninteresting. I just feel an urge to die.
    All I wanted was to be irreplaceable , but apparently anything can replace me.
    I do not dress well , I do not have beautiful body , my hair is horrible and I am neither good nor what I chose to do the same .
    I feel useless ... I can no longer dream of the future , I can only fear .
    Afraid of everything worse. I can not see anything good in me .
    I am three years in that situation , to three years trying to survive. I think of suicide , but even that can do .
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have certainly felt this way, feeling ugly, fat, worthless, useless, ashamed of myself. I can relate to you well, the best advice I can give you is you are your no.1 priority and you should try and start loving yourself, I know how hard that is though, I hate even showering now because of the disgusting stretch marks I have on my arms and stomach. Life is not all about beauty, would you really want someone who only wants you for your looks anyway? I think not. You are worth much more than that.
    Try and start dressing well, what is going on for you now does not have to be permanent. Get your hair done,, put on some make up after a long hot shower and you might feel a bit better. I wish you all the best and remember looks are not everything but I understand wanting to look and feel respectable. Good luck to you.
     
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Sunako, I can see something absolutely fantastic about you! Something that you don't give yourself enough credit for. That is your English. You have taken the time to learn it. And it is much better then you let yourself believe. I am a spoiled rotten American. Too lazy to bother learning another language. Take some time to be proud of your accomplishment.

    And I, too, often believe I am scum. Lower then the low. That even a piece of garbage is better then me. I am old and fat and only up to doing unimportant jobs. It is a horrible way to feel. And I am really sorry you feel this way. I did read a book once where the author said just try and find one thing you like about yourself and build from there. It can be really hard to even find one thing at times. And it is hard living in a world where the way you look is so important. But it is what is in your heart that matters most. And I think you have a very kind heart. Just direct some of that kindness towards yourself.
     
  4. SunakoNotKir

    SunakoNotKir New Member


    Thank you
    I needed to read things like that.
     
  5. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    You are very welcome. I think we really are our own worst enemies. We get so busy thinking about all the things that are wrong with us, that we can't see any of the things that are right. And everyone of us has good within us and talents to share. It is sad that we have such a hard time believing that.
     
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