ok first up a warning.... this will be a long post
ok so i met my ex 2 years ago i was currently dating a girl and it wasn't going well at all and eventually we ended up together and she got me through a whole lot of hell and we fell in love and for the first time in a very very long time i really had what i would call true love......
she stuck by me through everything vicious rumours about things i'd never done my silly mistakes of my past coming back to haunt me and put up with my general laziness and stupidity now while i seem really down on myself i wasn't that bad a boyfriend either i supported her and stuck by her as much as possible and more than i had ever done for another person and really that is rare for me as i've been hurt so many times before
then about a month ago although suddenly she wanted a break to sort her head out
that it would only be like a week and then we'd reevaluate the relationship and work things out
lf course in my experience "breaks" are never temporary and so i tried my best to keep it together but really i was breaking apart inside
and so after a while of her ignoring me and my pleas and all the deep and meaningful promises i made to work on any and all problems that we may have had she seemed to respond well and it seemed like everything was going to be ok
so like a complete idiot and after literally swallowing all of my pride and devoting every second to trying to win her back i got my hopes up
then she goes away for two day's and afterwards tells me it won't work as she's got college and work and we'll never see each other so it wouldn't work
also that her family hated me and that it was over for good and there was no changing her mind at that point but she didn't want to lose contact with me as we got on well as friends
so after this month of torture i resigned myself to my fate... but i wasn't truly suicidal
then she texts me halloween night after i had a few drinks with my grandad and a reasonably good night given the circumstance and tell's me she's a new boyfriend......
i had been drinking badly to forget the pain and all but i had gotten some semblance of a grip and that night i went crazy...... i trashed my room threatened my family and drank until i passed out
i've been flunking my college course and not going in until pay day but was actually worried about losing my place on it as it's the only thing i currently have going for me but now..... well honestly i don't care.....
i've been going from messed up to cold and emotionless i've cried my heart out and yet stil i can't get over this and don't think i ever will
i've talked to her and all and she say's she doesn't love him and that and still loves me and that we would probably get back together some day but to me it all seems like more lies and just a way of getting me to piss off....
i've been a self harmer for years and had stopped apart from when we fought or broke up but now i can't stop or control it and it's far worse than ever i'm cutting over cuts and i know i'm scarring myself but i really can't stop
i'm completely apathetic towards those around me sometimes and going from bad to worse and then after weeks of thinking if i should go on and managing to hold on and think positively in some small way i decided that it was just best for me to die...... i know it's selfish and cruel to those around me but really it's the quickest way to stop this torment and really i would rather be tortured physically than constantly feel this terrible loss
i don't like cliche's like "oh don't worry you'll meet someone new" or get on with your life and i will react badly so i respectfully ask that people don't offer those words as they don't work on me i'm too much of a realist
anyway's i might add more to this but feel free to comment
ok so i met my ex 2 years ago i was currently dating a girl and it wasn't going well at all and eventually we ended up together and she got me through a whole lot of hell and we fell in love and for the first time in a very very long time i really had what i would call true love......
she stuck by me through everything vicious rumours about things i'd never done my silly mistakes of my past coming back to haunt me and put up with my general laziness and stupidity now while i seem really down on myself i wasn't that bad a boyfriend either i supported her and stuck by her as much as possible and more than i had ever done for another person and really that is rare for me as i've been hurt so many times before
then about a month ago although suddenly she wanted a break to sort her head out
that it would only be like a week and then we'd reevaluate the relationship and work things out
lf course in my experience "breaks" are never temporary and so i tried my best to keep it together but really i was breaking apart inside
and so after a while of her ignoring me and my pleas and all the deep and meaningful promises i made to work on any and all problems that we may have had she seemed to respond well and it seemed like everything was going to be ok
so like a complete idiot and after literally swallowing all of my pride and devoting every second to trying to win her back i got my hopes up
then she goes away for two day's and afterwards tells me it won't work as she's got college and work and we'll never see each other so it wouldn't work
also that her family hated me and that it was over for good and there was no changing her mind at that point but she didn't want to lose contact with me as we got on well as friends
so after this month of torture i resigned myself to my fate... but i wasn't truly suicidal
then she texts me halloween night after i had a few drinks with my grandad and a reasonably good night given the circumstance and tell's me she's a new boyfriend......
i had been drinking badly to forget the pain and all but i had gotten some semblance of a grip and that night i went crazy...... i trashed my room threatened my family and drank until i passed out
i've been flunking my college course and not going in until pay day but was actually worried about losing my place on it as it's the only thing i currently have going for me but now..... well honestly i don't care.....
i've been going from messed up to cold and emotionless i've cried my heart out and yet stil i can't get over this and don't think i ever will
i've talked to her and all and she say's she doesn't love him and that and still loves me and that we would probably get back together some day but to me it all seems like more lies and just a way of getting me to piss off....
i've been a self harmer for years and had stopped apart from when we fought or broke up but now i can't stop or control it and it's far worse than ever i'm cutting over cuts and i know i'm scarring myself but i really can't stop
i'm completely apathetic towards those around me sometimes and going from bad to worse and then after weeks of thinking if i should go on and managing to hold on and think positively in some small way i decided that it was just best for me to die...... i know it's selfish and cruel to those around me but really it's the quickest way to stop this torment and really i would rather be tortured physically than constantly feel this terrible loss
i don't like cliche's like "oh don't worry you'll meet someone new" or get on with your life and i will react badly so i respectfully ask that people don't offer those words as they don't work on me i'm too much of a realist
anyway's i might add more to this but feel free to comment