suicadal over the loss of my love

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by spyke, Nov 4, 2009.

  1. spyke

    spyke Well-Known Member

    ok first up a warning.... this will be a long post

    ok so i met my ex 2 years ago i was currently dating a girl and it wasn't going well at all and eventually we ended up together and she got me through a whole lot of hell and we fell in love and for the first time in a very very long time i really had what i would call true love......

    she stuck by me through everything vicious rumours about things i'd never done my silly mistakes of my past coming back to haunt me and put up with my general laziness and stupidity now while i seem really down on myself i wasn't that bad a boyfriend either i supported her and stuck by her as much as possible and more than i had ever done for another person and really that is rare for me as i've been hurt so many times before

    then about a month ago although suddenly she wanted a break to sort her head out

    that it would only be like a week and then we'd reevaluate the relationship and work things out

    lf course in my experience "breaks" are never temporary and so i tried my best to keep it together but really i was breaking apart inside

    and so after a while of her ignoring me and my pleas and all the deep and meaningful promises i made to work on any and all problems that we may have had she seemed to respond well and it seemed like everything was going to be ok

    so like a complete idiot and after literally swallowing all of my pride and devoting every second to trying to win her back i got my hopes up

    then she goes away for two day's and afterwards tells me it won't work as she's got college and work and we'll never see each other so it wouldn't work

    also that her family hated me and that it was over for good and there was no changing her mind at that point but she didn't want to lose contact with me as we got on well as friends

    so after this month of torture i resigned myself to my fate... but i wasn't truly suicidal

    then she texts me halloween night after i had a few drinks with my grandad and a reasonably good night given the circumstance and tell's me she's a new boyfriend......

    i had been drinking badly to forget the pain and all but i had gotten some semblance of a grip and that night i went crazy...... i trashed my room threatened my family and drank until i passed out

    i've been flunking my college course and not going in until pay day but was actually worried about losing my place on it as it's the only thing i currently have going for me but now..... well honestly i don't care.....

    i've been going from messed up to cold and emotionless i've cried my heart out and yet stil i can't get over this and don't think i ever will

    i've talked to her and all and she say's she doesn't love him and that and still loves me and that we would probably get back together some day but to me it all seems like more lies and just a way of getting me to piss off....

    i've been a self harmer for years and had stopped apart from when we fought or broke up but now i can't stop or control it and it's far worse than ever i'm cutting over cuts and i know i'm scarring myself but i really can't stop

    i'm completely apathetic towards those around me sometimes and going from bad to worse and then after weeks of thinking if i should go on and managing to hold on and think positively in some small way i decided that it was just best for me to die...... i know it's selfish and cruel to those around me but really it's the quickest way to stop this torment and really i would rather be tortured physically than constantly feel this terrible loss

    i don't like cliche's like "oh don't worry you'll meet someone new" or get on with your life and i will react badly so i respectfully ask that people don't offer those words as they don't work on me i'm too much of a realist

    anyway's i might add more to this but feel free to comment
  2. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Remaining in contact with her is just going to make the situation worse. Consider severing the communication. That way, you don't know what she's up to, and it will decrease the time it takes to get over her. Yes, it's going to be hard, but it's probably a step in the right direction.

    Since you've been self injuring for years, and you are going through a great loss, perhaps you should get into counseling.
  3. spyke

    spyke Well-Known Member

    doin that already not that it makes much difference really

    and no i don't want councelling again
  4. stinkydog

    stinkydog Member

    hey skype,
    hows you?
    Just read your thread. Its one of most hurtful things to loose someone you love through a breakup, and its something that can take a long time to get over.
    TBH, I think now you need to look after yourself. Its not an easy time for you so try and take each day as it comes and do something nice, fun, positive or whatever makes you feel happy (even if it is for a few moments).
    Try to cut the contact with your ex, its not doing you any favors. Yes, its fooking hard to cut contact, but it will be worth it in the end. Look what happened when she contacted you on Halloween: you were having a good night and then it all fell apart when she contacted you.

    "she say's she doesn't love him and that and still loves me and that we would probably get back together some day"
    Ok this is really messing you around. Look at it like this, if she really loved you none of this would be happening. I think this is a really selfish thing for her to say, it only eases her guilt of the breakup, but at the same time it leaves you hanging on to false hope. You deserve better treatment than this.

    Maybe you can be friends down the line maybe not. But I think you really need to focus on yourself, and do what you need to do to to come out of this a stronger person.
  5. spyke

    spyke Well-Known Member

    well the situation has gotten worse

    she text me last night to tell me one week after breaking up with me she had a one night stand and is pregnant 2-3 weeks with his baby......
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Not much I can say, but just wanted you to know I read your post, and I know how much love can suck.
  7. Poorlaggedman

    Poorlaggedman Active Member

    She doesnt love you. Maybe she thinks she does, maybe not. Words dont really mean shit, its actions that count. If she loved ya, she wouldnt do this to you

    Ive been on the sidelines of plenty of strained relationships. This sounds like one where if I knew you, i'd probably get angry at you for wanting to get back together with her. I dunno why she broke up but just the manner in which she did it then decided to keep dropping you hints when she decided to break your heart really pisses me off. You dont have to be mad but it does sound like this is one of those traumatic breakups where you have to sever communications.

    I know what its like not even wanting to get over a chick. If she knew how lucky she was, we wouldnt have these kind of problems. Even if she had a good reason to breakup, you dont lead people on like that. And here you are all upset while she's getting pregnant with some random dude. Is it ok if I call her a bitch? Do some things to get your mind off of her. For me that'd be work, gaming, or best - watching movies. Preferably not by yourself. Maybe consult others, maybe your grandad and see what he knows about heartbreak if you 2 are close.

    good luck
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 9, 2009
  8. spyke

    spyke Well-Known Member

    you can call her whatever you want and you're dead right or at least were she text me today to break all contact after messing with my head for nearly two months which has led me to be suicidal again and this time i'm following through

    my net's fucked up so i can't contact anyone really and it's a miracle i can even get on here as it is
  9. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    It's okay

    I read the whole thing, I fell in love too, but I fell in love with someone whose love was pure, too pure for a relationship.

    The girl you were with you really have to let go of, it's not pure, it's quite dark and it's dragging you into an abyss. She's not right for you, it's destructive, don't follow destruction and darkness, follow light and healing, follow the light Spyke.

    You should really start making some resolutions like I did, and change your life.

    Let go my friend Spyke. You know, when people have been through tragedy, there's something famous, it's called a red balloon, you let go of it, and you let go of all your bitterness, and let go of that part of your life, it's over, tell yourself, it's over, IT'S OVER.

    You can use a balloon, you can write a song, you can write a letter to your higher power (can be anything like the universe even, anything or anyone above you), you can burn it, you can burn her photo, just let go, it's not worth it. But don't hate Spyke, you're better than that. Don't hate, forgive her, and forgive yourself. You're both human. Show compassion to her, and be the mature and responsible one.

    I feel so bad for you Spyke, but you have a choice. :huh: