Suicidal and what does it matter really? What is so bad about taking ones life?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sinister simon, Nov 29, 2009.

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  1. Now, right now I'm not particularly suicidal but as I am hypomanic I am quite happy with things right now.

    Over the last number of years I have suffered from ultra radian bipolar with psychosis and flashbacks every ten to fifteen minutes, this has been largely untreatable and even though it seems now that there is a solution through drug treatment it makes me wonder.

    Why exactly should we be so dead set against euthanasia for the mentally ill? lol, yes, protect the vulnerable yet at the same time we judge us with the same standards applied to the normal, sure, execute the scitzophrenics, heck, why not?

    We pap them off too mental wards to endure suffering and visit them when we feel like it just to pat ourselves on the back like we did some good. Sure, it's nice to get the problem out of sight and out of mind but most people have never seen the kind of pain some of us go through.

    Suicide only became an issue when religion took hold and it is still used as a primary argument when trying to dissuade people from CTB.

    Who the hell are they to put an element of doubt in our minds when really all they have to substantiate their beliefs is faith, no fact, nothing other than belief!

    If I chose to go then so be it, it is not right for others to judge, it is not right for others to say I am wrong, it is my life and if I so choose then I have every right to end it.

    Socrates and Plato had far better ideas over the afterlife than Jesus, not saying Jesus was wrong or not a nice guy just that they had far more logic in their opinions.

    Ok, anyway, onto my real problem. After years of probs I finally gave up hope, sure I cried for help through self harm but the system failed, the same one which judges people for taking their lives.

    I decided to research it this time, over a few months I've seen people pass on, the rate is pretty high and the ones who fail tend not to take advice given to them on methods.

    Such as do not take XXX as it will be prolonged and painful. Last guy I saw doing this got hit 8 days on, 4 days later and the dude shot himself. can't blame him, I have in the past hurt my liver, pissed, pucked and know excreted bile from every exit. Felt like I was lying on hot coals or daggers. Not fun. warned the guy but heck, his choice.

    Their are however easier ways to go, ones which knock you out, go to sleep and there it ends. Please don't ask, I have no intention to talk about them on here.

    So my problem is, all I need is 2 chemicals, easy to get or even perhaps a few drugs which really are not hard to get and I fear like last time I end up figuring it's all over and take the leap when quite frankly I am wrong about it.

    Where in the last case I thought my limited choices became no choices I figured on ending it I know it can happen again.

    Also, something I picked up on tonight was that I switch really easily, I go from very happy to angry, get into fights, can't stop thinking about shit and please don't say "try", I suffer from racing thoughts and it is simply not an option.

    Fuck, XXXX right now someone please, life on others would be far easier.

    BTW, what the heck is with the President of the US not sending out letters to the military victims of suicide? seems to just help reinforce others felings on this topic and most have never seen real pain.

    Now goodbye! I have a parachute lesson and I'm packing lunch this time.:rolleyes:
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2009
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    This topic comes up quite regularly here. And even among the members of a suicide forum, the opinions are varied and the debate gets heated. There is never going to be a right or wrong to the act of suicide. There are too many beliefs, taboos and personal feelings about it. I personally feel it is the individuals choice. Let's face it, after the final act has been committed, does it really matter anymore if people are judging you or feel pity for you or even care? Or all the wonderful guilty that you are apparently going to suffer after taking your own life. You're dead!!!

    I'm bipolar as well. Wow thanks a load to who ever is responsible for creating this one (lol). Meds can and do help but the dosages and changes in meds seem to occur as often as the swings from euphoric to devastated. And you will never get those that dont experience it to understand. Well maybe with the exception of women who are experiencing menapause!!!

    I find the one thing that does help to keep my emotions a little stable is talking. Talking about everything and nothing. I post so much here that I'm sure other members are able to see a title to my thread and fill in the post themselves(lol).

    Another blessing in my daily battles has been the Members Diary forum. I can post, others can read it but no one can reply. It feels good to know someone else can see (read) my true feelings and thoughts at that moment. And I can go back and re-read what my mind was doing and thinking at that time. There is the option of a private diary too if you dont feel up to sharing with the SF world your inner demons. Which ever, either one is a great way to release!!

    I'm glad you found SF. It can be a release from the throws that you find yourself in from your BP. And there are other BP members here so please keep posting. See that you arent alone and that there is a wonderful amount of support here. Welcome!
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and much suicidality comes from depression, and many ppl for varied reasons do not seek or find successful treatment, it changes the notion of "pure" free will...if one was told the pain could go away, would you still feel the same way? Hope you stay and gain/give the support that is here...J
  4. 1victor

    1victor Well-Known Member

    And so they did. The United States government executed schizophrenics by the thousands in gas chambers approximately at the same period of time as Hitler did. The reason was that the bad gene passes from generation to generation and never goes away and it's not curable. At some point they realized that schizophrenics and ONLY schizophrenics have ability to create art, invent things... etc. so they stopped. Amazing that they stopped killing them not out of humanity but for practical reasons.
  5. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    I don't believe it always comes from depression, but it comes when you want a way to escape. Normally, it is depression that you want to escape, but people can be happily married with a family, and have big money problems. They can't work out what to do, so commit the act. It does not mean however, that they were depressed.
  6. I gotta admit that this is a surprise! I actually figured this thread would be deleted, did not think it was one brought up at all.

    Totally agree with you and if you Google "Yale, course, death" you will find a great free course of videos on the topic of the afterlife. It looks more to Socrates and Plato rather than Jesus, looks more to logic than faith and is pretty fascinating.

    lol...yep, no idea about menaupause. But heck, it's one hell of a ride. Like I said. Right now I am hypomanic in a good way. Most of the time people figure mania for a good thing but it does not always means this. Many times I am flat out aggressive. Want to fight with someone, get drunk beat up on some guy and for whatever reason adrenaline kicks in so anyway, we go round and round. I switch so damn quickly and not from happy to sad but happy to aggressive.

    Can not figure it.

    I'm sick, I don't mean harm but damn, I scare people close to me and I hate it.

    I find it works both ways. Perhaps I talk people into suicide and perhaps I get talked down. Still it does help to talk. I'm just in a life where I'm not exactly filled with people who are understanding. I realized that pretty much people suck.No denying it, people suck ass. Can not deny it!

    Dude! I googled suicide forum, not hard to find and it does not mean I won't take my life.

    Gonna take time to fit in here I guess but right now life is great, I love it and damn,....I love it! Go karting, hit on by two girls, hanging out with many people, I love life right now.

    It's the ditching that hurts.

    You know yourself, the ups are as much fun as the downs. It sucks ass. Much as I love the hypo!
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well glad to have met you on a manic ride. And I'll still listen on the down ride too. I know the aggressiveness and it's even worse for me. I go to the bar to pick a fight and no one takes me seriously cuz I'm a female!!! Then after it's said and done the fight is over, the down kicks in fast and bad. Guess after the adreneline rush, cant help but go down.

    And not everyone here comes cuz their suicidal either. Same as you, found it, tried it and decided to stick around a while. Hope you do to! Cheers to the ups and downs of life!!! (lmao)

  8. Well yes Sir! If the paqin wen then sure I'd take a gun and put it to my head, if the pain ended there then sure we all would at some point.

    Even the less suicidal. Me? I';d have put a bullet in my head long ago.

    Sad thing is that now I don't have a prob putting one through someone elses.

    Right now I don't want to top myself but I just switch too much to know what the heck I am going to do in future,
  9. I get you! What I don't get is people don't take you seriously because you are female. Wat the heck?
    Last night I had a great time, loved it but I was trying to get to know everyone in the club, one guyy responds with 'fuck off", dude, I am hypomanic at this point. not happy at all! It escelated and I gotta admit I am glad I left my knife behind with a friend.

    I still am pissed about this, he wanted to fight me .......ahh, I am going on here, pointless.

    Like I say, Hypomanic right now, really drunk and fucked up because of it.

  10. Sorry but I dissagree. A person in pain kills themself because of depression.

    We can talk about situations sure but the thing is that does this solve anything? Why do thety want to die? They loose capital? They loose money? Yes, they do, end result is depression so yes Sir it IS Depression that they suffer from and they do end up with mental illness.
  11. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    I disagree, I know somebody who was very, very happy, and they felt that they couldn't support their family so killed themselves. They were not depressed, just worried, thought it'd be easier on their family if they left. It is not always depression, in my opinion.
  12. 1victor

    1victor Well-Known Member

    Now you know two
  13. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Religion doesn't carry all of the blame, although it doesn't help either. Most people just don't like to see other people die. People don't know the pain you've gone through or how hopeless your situation is, most of the time it's possible to think five years down the road "If so and so was alive today, I wonder if they would have been happy." You can probably say you wouldn't be but for everyone else that doesn't know anything about you, the possibility is there and that's probably why they can take the positions they do as easily as they can.

    People kill themselves for all kinds of reasons but there aren't a lot of deaths out there that don't bring any sadness or cost anyone any money. Nobody feels better when somebody's passed away regardless of the situation they were in. It's just sad knowing that person is gone and never coming back. Not to say that it's right or wrong, but I can certainly see why a lot of people would lean towards the latter.
  14. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    Having fought the courts when I was comitted I discovered its not actually an illegal act but just a guideline the courts have to follow. I am still waiting for an answer as to why I was incarcerated while I was "screaming" for help. I did get help but I also found if I do ask for help the next time I will be "incacerated" again. To myself, thats being punished twice. But I now know the system and you can bet I won't be screaming for help next time.
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