Suicidal and why

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by borderlinejustfine, Aug 6, 2007.

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  1. I had panic attacks really bad, went through a lot of shit, and scared. Different meds, horrible mood swings crying bursts, hospital trips, etc. They put me on ativan, tried to get off, Went throught something I never did before. It was unbearable. I read up on it, and benzodiazapines are terrible to get off of and last days, the withdrawel... everyone i tell about it "drs, and stuff" act mad at me and say its terribly addictive and i shouldnt be on itl, but I wasn't trying to be like that. I was so scared of becomming addicted when they first put me on xanax... it's my worst fear realized and i live wiht it everyday

    I april I tried to kill myself. I was in ICU for three days. they pumped me full of ativan and my psych said i was abusing it and tried to ween me off, but there was too much in me.

    They tried other things but I was worse and couldnt get off ativan.

    I had a new doc and am still on it however, i cna't see him till friday, there's no psychiatrists in the city i'm in and one was rude to me like i was seeking drugs when that is not the case. i woul dstop it if i could. i have 4 left. i take 3 a day. The problem is, i know it's horrible, but just feeling it for 5 minutes, which i did, scares the shit out of me, and I don't ever want to go through it again. I would rather die.

    This is whre I'm at. I hate being dependant on something, but i hate what led me there, and i hate tha tif i get off, it will be worse than that...

    If the er doesnt give me any tomorrow... i feel i have no choice. The withdrawel is so painful and terrifying, it's like nothing in the world... I would describe but anytihngi write wouldnt do it justice. IT's hell on earth, i would imagine.

    This is why I want to die.
  2. so nobody wants to help????? thanks
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just saw your post...can you go to an emergency room or family MD to renew the Rx? Can it be prescribed and sent online? just a couple of thoughts
  4. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Get to some support groups. Life is best spent under observation, in a professional setting. That way, you'll feel calmer.

    The real madhouse is outside hospital walls.
  5. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member

    It would be best to take Sadeyes' advice; however, if you don’t feel comfortable going to the emergency room, you should try weaning yourself off.

    If you have four left, take 3 half tablets today, 3 half tablets on Wednesday, and 2 half tablets on Thursday. On Friday, tell your doctor what you have told us. If he does not take you seriously, file a complaint with member services and see if you can see another doctor that same day.
  6. roro

    roro Well-Known Member

    go to the ER and they will give you something else for the withdrawals at least. like clonidine, methadone or phenobarb. it works pretty good. if its only temporary, its ok.
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