Hi, I'm new to the boards. I'm sure alot of you can relate. I am very very numb and beyond reality. I have no emotions. I fake all of my daily interactions with people. I am not on meds.... I have a 20 year history of eating disorders,been depressed and suicidal since 3 years old. Have several attempts in the past. I refuse help,,,,,my former therapist wants me to admit myself into the hospital but I do NOT see the rationale. I am unhappy and SEE "fading" as a solution. You can't getter better if you do not want help --right? I am there. It is black and white to me.