it's only when things remind me.. running from memories I'd rather forget it hurts when they come up, I can't deal with it, I fight it it hurts so bad sometimes I want to lash out, but I can't, its so empty inside I don't want to die god,I don't. not really. but what else can I do? how can I deal with this? i'm not a normal human being! its not a right reaction! its all wrong momentary distractions is how I get through the day but all the time I feel tense its really really hard sometimes why doesn't God care?