Suicidal, but why?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blank Stare, Aug 1, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Blank Stare

    Blank Stare Member

    I'm new to these forums and have found them pretty comforting thus far. Let me tell you my story. I grew up in a very loving household, had good friends, etc. But midway through my first year at college I began suffering from horrible social anxiety. I began to decline invitations to parties from my friends and pretty much cut myself off from them because being around people was too much for me. Since then I've been continuing my education at community colleges in my area which has been great but the anxiety and subsequent depression never quite left me.

    Fast forward to now. I have a loving girlfriend, a group of really great friends, a supportive family and I'm starting my nutrition program at a new school. From the outside, my life seems great but for some reason I've never been able to erase the image of suicide as a door that can take me away from all of this. I almost feel guilty for having these kinds of thoughts, like I don't deserve to classify myself as "suicidal" or "depressed". I've had bouts of anorexia/bulimia where I've hoped I could just shrivel up and die but have never made a serious suicide attempt. Unfortunately I'm not sure how much longer the option will lay dormant. Seeing as how I've had these feelings for a few years now, I know it's not just "the blues". I'm considering seeking help but the idea of putting myself out there for a complete stranger to poke and prod at scares me to death. Plus, if it ever got back to my family I know it would break their hearts to know how much pain I'm in. Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate it. Kind words/suggestions are definitely welcome.

  2. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    Blank Stare,
    Hello sweetie and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I think one of the best things you can do is first off I would try talking to your family some. Now don't get me wrong I am not telling you to tell them everything you are feeling but just a little. Secondly I would suggest talking to someone. You can be the happiest person alive or even had the best childhood ever but you can still become suicidal. It is not always the bad things that make people want to die. Take care and I love you. :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss

    With Love,
    Crystal :hug: :cheekkiss
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    welcome to the forum..

  4. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    Hello! Welcome to SF!

    Sorry to hear you're feeling this way. :hug:

    I would suggest that you talk a little bit with your family. I'm terrified of my family finding out everything about me, too. But, you've got to start somewhere, you know?

    I'm here if you need an ear. Just PM.
  5. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    Just because your life seems ideal doesnt mean you dont have the right to be suicidal. I mean look at famous people, they have it all, but still many have suicided or are depressed, abuse drugs etc.
    I think you should get help, before it manifests into something out of your control. And your family don't even have to know if you don't want them to...
  6. onenineteen

    onenineteen Antiquities Friend

    The fact that a therapist is someone you don't know personally is why it works so well. An objective view of what's troubling you could shed some light on why you are feeling this way, without trying to predict your mood because they know how you react or talk about things. Talking to a pro will be completely confidential and they understand why.
  7. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    hello welcome to the forum... i am glad that you found us and have had comforting experiences... many people have felt as you are feeling.. i like you have suffered with social anxiety... the very first thing i had to do to help myself was to realize where i was and just promise myself that i would not shrink away any more of my life... as for feeling like you dont have a right to be depressed ... i think you might feel better (kinda) knowing that there are many types of depression... some are strictly situational.. meaning your life suroundings - situations - circumstances have triggered the depression... as mentioned above drug abuse.. and being abused... trauma.. also things can be "perfect" but because of a biological glitch ie chemical imbalance - some hormone or imbalance or even physical illness can bring on deep depressions... maybe one place to start could be with a complete physical check up... and discuss with your doctor how you are feeling.. it could help him/her in knowing which hormone, chemical, and enzyme tests to run.. also he/ her will be helpful partner in determining the next step... keep posting and let us know how things are going....... hugs
  8. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Blankstare,Hi and welcome and I'm so glad you found us first of all please don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do Why?Simple because it's not your fault you feel the way you do and if you could change it you would like that.It also doesn't mean because you have all the thing's or most in life that you should be happy and merry and have no right to feel depressed.

    next and foremost importantly the most important thing for you to do is see someone and soon as possible seriously please do it don't prolong this any longer.Because you can start by nipping this in the bud now,it may not be easy but it's the first step and support is just a message away please feel free to talk to me anytime your friend Ace(Steve):smile:
  9. Blank Stare

    Blank Stare Member

    Thank you all so much. Reading your replies really gave me a shot of hope. I've decided I really need to tell someone about how I'm feeling, someone close to me like my sister. I also plan to get professional help but I just moved into a new area and I'm not quite sure how to go about that. Thanks again. Your replies mean the world to me!:smile:

  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF. I am glad to hear you have decided to open up to someone about your feelings. You can say as little or as much as you are comfortable in sharing with them. A strong support system is essential to your survival. Depression is a complex thing. You mentioned you wante to seek professional help but since you are in a new area not quite sure how to go about it. You can begin by going to see a general practioner. They can make recommendations to you as to who to see to best fit your needs. When you do find someone to see remember it takes a little while to build up trust and confidence in that person, but if you do not feel they connect with you on some level try someone else. We do not always find the right therapist for us on the first try. It is important that you can have a good rapport with the professional you choose. The school may have some counseling services available as well. Check out all your resources. You can and will make this happen for you. you will be in my thoughts. :hug:
  11. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    :welcome: to SF looking forward to seeing you around the site
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.