I hate the holidays. Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then New Years, followed shortly by my birthday, which has always been my least favorite day of the year. They seem to serve as only a reminder of how many people I am estranged from or how alone I feel in a room full of people. I'm always suicidal, but the holidays predictably bring out a spike in thoughts. Every year, there are at least one or two news reports of suicides in my area around this time. Two women this year, one around Thanksgiving and one around Christmas. Every time I read them, all I feel is understanding. Sadness for them and myself and people like us, but mostly just having no questions as to why they did it. Article comments are difficult because they are full of accusations of selfishness. People who think suicide is a selfish act are lucky to never have been so depressed to know different. I'm glad the holidays are passing, I just need to get through this upcoming birthday.