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Suicidal feelings like a dark cloud that follows me

Bronx

New Member
#1
Here I am again.. it’s 3.38 in the morning and i can’t even cry myself to sleep anymore. I just lay here feeling sick due to the amount of stress oozing out of my chest. I feel so alone, no one around me cares. Why should they?

my father never wanted me from a child and my mother made me homeless at 14 years older and I have been living alone ever since. I struggle every day to stay afloat and financial stress is only part of my true sadness.
living alone from a young young age as a girl shows you all the kinds of people you shouldn’t meet... ppl take advantage of you.. emotionally, physically, sexually, financially.
I feel like I am permanently damaged, I feel worthless. Men have shown me time and time again I am not worthy of love and I don’t know what I have done to these people to deserve being treated so badly.
I finally thought I had found the one, in the beginning he was amazing. We became best friends so quickly and we are still speaking now. However, he doesn’t feel the same way as I feel for him. He stays with me often, we have sex, and we cuddle and hug, watch films etc. He has made it clear he does not have feelings for me despite me telling him I am falling in love with him. He will post about other females on his social media and meets up with other girls. Every time I see it my heart just breaks all over again. I love someone who doesn’t respect me or care about me and I am becoming so used to people just deciding they don’t want me that I just feel like there is no point me going on. I am unimportant to anyone. I have suicidal thoughts that follow me and have done for years, they weigh down on me and I always tell myself it’s not the answer but it doesn’t stop them from leaving. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I know I have to let this guy go but at this point I don’t think I could ever trust anyone again
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
Hey @Bronx You are worthy of love. I hope you find the right person. I'm glad you found SF. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.
 
#3
Sorry that you've gone through this Bronx.
my father never wanted me from a child and my mother made me homeless at 14 years older
Your parents had a duty to love and care for you that they failed to fulfill. That's their fault, not yours.
Men have shown me time and time again I am not worthy of love
There are just people out there who are going to exploit others if they have the chance. You're not to blame for that. If you look in the right places and the right way, you may be able to find a partner who you can love and who loves you back.

It's also important to try to get some form of treatment, especially since you're having thoughts of suicide. The link in my signature has some information about treatment methods.

Wishing you good things.
 
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