Suicidal feelings that stem from--

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dannyboy86, Aug 6, 2013.

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  1. dannyboy86

    dannyboy86 Active Member

    Alot of people who have talked to me about suicide usually have some typical problem that can easily be solved. It has to do with self-loathing and looking inside like 'Im 30 years old and not married, dont have a good job, and never been laid' when something like that can easily be fixed.

    My suicidal thoughts are persistent and strong, and stem from a desire for the pain ive been living with so long to end. Its just like any other lasting pain that grow incessant and someone will do anything for relief. I suffer with a severe mental health problem. Recently went to the ER to have my meds tweaked, but didnt really do much good. Also I live with a chronic pain problem that I take methadone for.

    So I just really feel like getting the job done. Ive dealt with suicidal thoughts since my diagnosis. And who's to say this is something thats genetic? I just feel like atm ive dealt with an overwheming situation in which i dont have the coping skills to deal with. Im not getting adequate help to curb the suicidal thoughts. They run through my mind like a rollercoaster.

    Desperation sucks.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, dannyboy. I'm sorry you are feeling desperate and in pain. Many of us here, whatever our reasons, feel or have felt in the past that the pain we face is/was too great to bear. But support from others can help.

    "Tweaking" meds can take some time to have real effects. Sometimes it helps to go in-patient while they monitor the meds and how they're working. Just something to think about.

    Sounds like your rollercoaster ride is rough going. Is your illness the overwhelming situation that you are dealing with, or are there other things going on? Sometimes talking about issues relieves some of the stress we feel. Are you receiving counselling? Do you have a support network? These are things that might help with coping.

    I hope you will continue to share with us. Stay strong and safe. :hug:
  3. dannyboy86

    dannyboy86 Active Member

    Thanks very much Acy, I do need a support network but I have no idea where to start :(

    I bought a book for my parents to read, called Valley of Sorrow, which discusses the problem of mental illness and how hard something like this can be to live with. They have not touched it, and would be surprised if they ever did.

    Sometimes I feel like I am being punished, but the truth is, I have done my best to live a good life. Its like, maybe god has cursed me with something because of something terrible I did in this life, or a past life, I have no idea.

    I really need support and people who understand, and im reaching out because im not feeling well, and feel that i need more support, because this past month ive had a very bad bipolar flare up. Like sometimes I will be on a downswing, and be insanely irratable, and snap at someone, then immediately regret it.

    I dont mean to snap at others, it stems from stress and irritability.

    Thank you very much Acy for reading. I appreciate it very much so.
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