My depression is strong and I feel suicidal feelings popping up. I am fighting old thoughts and feelings that are being triggered my current circumstance. I can't change the circumstance because I can't hurry up healing. I broke my arm Feb 12, not even a month after my sister died of cancer. It was very hard knowing she was suffering so much pain. It is still hard to recall. I have a Distal Radial Fracture, aka Colles Fracture. In people terms, I broke the end of the bone that is on the inside of the arm. The doctor at the VA hospital called it Humpy Dumpty because it splintered. He did an awesome job repairing it. Four hours of surgery, a piece of metal, and 7 screws. I'm out of the cast and in a splint with orders not to lift anything. I'm to take off the splint 3 times a day and apply ice as needed for the swelling. I'm diabetic and my healing time is twice as long. I'm also looking at rehab time which I'm trying to get a jump on by typing with both hands as long as I can. The break does not hurt, but all the stuff I'm slowly working on hurts. After the third paragraph of this post, I got out the ice pack and returned to one handed typing. I know my job is to heal, but day after day drags on. I've practiced a lot of distraction, I've thanked the ones who help me over and over (guilt from feeling like a burden). I see the things around me that I cannot do that I'm used to doing. I'm by myself a lot during the day since my daughter left home in March. My husband has a lot on his plate so I don't ask him to do too much at once. Also, he will be having surgery soon, which he is nervous about and I don't want him to miss this opportunity to have because it will help him a lot. Fortunately, my daughter only moved around the corner and I can tell her we will feed her if she can cook it and wash the dishes. Anyway, back to me. I take my meds, eat nutritiously, sleep fairly well, and I am succeeding at getting out of the house a couple of times a week. It's amazing how depression and suicidal thoughts can invade a life even with years of therapy having been done, and following a program of meds and nutrition. I have consciously broken a lot of old patterns that destroyed my best efforts. Even so, I've been trashed by life events. I have no strength of my own anymore. People think I'm being strong but I'm just hanging out after having prayed to God asking him to teach me what I can do for myself and to please do the rest. Actually, right now the rest is fine, it's what is occurring between my ears that's doing me in.