Haven't been around in a long while, so I guess that means I've been doing better. Until today. Nothing really triggered me, I'm just very much down right now and don't know how much longer I can keep myself going. Even when I was doing well I would still think about suicide. A long time ago I accepted suicide as a viable option and now the thoughts are always with me. Even when I'm in my bastardized version of a good mood. I don't know how to get passed it. Suicide is always going to be my plan B. The thoughts will never leave and I don't know how I'm going to be able to fight them off for the next 40 years.